Of all the reasons to beat up on Corona beer, virality isn’t one

My fellow inebriates,

Today’s contribution to health/media literacy…

COVID-19 coronavirus Corona beer
A virus that’s taken the world by storm A garbage beer that’s losing market share because of name-brand association
Countermeasure: hand-washing Countermeasure: lime to hide the taste
Strength: usually mild; stronger if you’re older Strength: usually mild; stronger if you have 10
Symptoms: sore throat, fever, shortness of breath Symptoms: bad taste in mouth

Despite such helpful distinctions, Corona continues to be maligned for all the wrong reasons.

C2015 Corona vs Heinekin

Lest we heap scorn on people for being turned off Corona beer not because it’s crappy swill but because of name-brand association, remember the fate of Ayds candy. Some people think Corona should change its name.

That said, if you put a Corona in front of me (and opened it for me), I would drink it.

What do you think Corona should change its name to?

5 reasons hand sanitizer makes a crappy jello shot

My fellow inebriates,

Some of you have asked me what you should do with all your leftover hand sanitizer if/when this COVID-19 thing blows over.

It’s a very good question.

While my instinctive, bear-with-two-brain-cells response is that it’ll make a good jelly shot in a pinch, a two-minute burst of research tells me this is NOT the case. Here’s why…

  1. It contains the wrong kind of alcohol. It contains not ethanol but isopropyl alcohol, a toxic type of alcohol that can permanently damage your liver, kidneys, eyes and brain if you drink it.isopropyl alcohol mar 13
  2. Even if your hand sanitizer does contain drinkable ethanol, it probably also contains a bunch of denaturing agents that may render it toxic (or at the very least, foul-tasting).
  3. The alcohol percentage is much higher than what you’ll find in spirits such as gin or vodka. So even if you find some ethanol-based hand sanitizer, drinking it carries a higher risk of alcohol poisoning.
  4. One of your first symptoms after “sanitizer tasting” will be diarrhea, and that’s never a party favourite.
  5. It’s not yummy, people. Trust me—I got some on my paws this week and of course I sampled it. If you’re wondering whether a small taste will kill you, it won’t. But I give it a very poor review.

Photo: Isopropyl alcohol, Wikipedia

Why I’m not shaking paws

My fellow inebriates,

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of COVID-19.

I’m not shaking paws with people because everyone seems to be out of toilet paper.

And as my mum pointed out, bears like me are absorbent.

Luckily, we made our Costco run just before the madness started, so we have abundant TP. I reckon we should spend all the money we saved on booze.

Toilet paper meme Mar 12, 2020