My fellow inebriates,

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of COVID-19.

I’m not shaking paws with people because everyone seems to be out of toilet paper.

And as my mum pointed out, bears like me are absorbent.

Luckily, we made our Costco run just before the madness started, so we have abundant TP. I reckon we should spend all the money we saved on booze.