My Fellow Inebriates,

When a pair of friendly Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on our door this week to regale us about the miracles of our 6000-year-old planet, whose majestic Grand Canyon sprang up in a geologic nanosecond, it was obvious we need more science in our lives, especially out here in Langley.

It’s important to be precise with your measurements, as my mother stressed to our visitors. She offered them some books on evolution, but they said they already had their own, so why would they need to read further?

I told her she should have invited them in to do shots with us.