Move over FRESHMAN-15 … here comes the COVID-19

My fellow inebriates,

We’ve been self-isolating for over a month.

My mum is starting to catastrophize about lack of exercise and weight gain.

D2015 weight gain during self-isolation

I told her she should relax with a drink, but she said that would just make things worse.

Would it?

Hand sanitizer or vodka?

My fellow inebriates,

Canadian distillers continue to step up, switching production from spirits to hand sanitizer. Check out this new product from Broken Oak and Latitude 55 distilleries in Grande Prairie.

D2009 0407-GP-A3-Hand-Sanitizer

Hand sanitizer is hard to come by these days, and every extra mickey of it counts.

You’d forgive me for getting confused by the packaging, right? I’m just a bear.

5 reasons hand sanitizer makes a crappy jello shot

My fellow inebriates,

Some of you have asked me what you should do with all your leftover hand sanitizer if/when this COVID-19 thing blows over.

It’s a very good question.

While my instinctive, bear-with-two-brain-cells response is that it’ll make a good jelly shot in a pinch, a two-minute burst of research tells me this is NOT the case. Here’s why…

  1. It contains the wrong kind of alcohol. It contains not ethanol but isopropyl alcohol, a toxic type of alcohol that can permanently damage your liver, kidneys, eyes and brain if you drink it.isopropyl alcohol mar 13
  2. Even if your hand sanitizer does contain drinkable ethanol, it probably also contains a bunch of denaturing agents that may render it toxic (or at the very least, foul-tasting).
  3. The alcohol percentage is much higher than what you’ll find in spirits such as gin or vodka. So even if you find some ethanol-based hand sanitizer, drinking it carries a higher risk of alcohol poisoning.
  4. One of your first symptoms after “sanitizer tasting” will be diarrhea, and that’s never a party favourite.
  5. It’s not yummy, people. Trust me—I got some on my paws this week and of course I sampled it. If you’re wondering whether a small taste will kill you, it won’t. But I give it a very poor review.

Photo: Isopropyl alcohol, Wikipedia