The frosty summer recipe you can’t live without

My fellow inebriates,

Sometime ago I tweeted to Wendy’s, urging them to bring back the vanilla frosty. They had eliminated it for no obvious reason, although I suspected COVID-19 had reduced demand, rendering two oozing machines excessive.

You may think alcoholic bears don’t like ice cream (or ice cream facsimiles). But as I explained to Wendy’s in my tweet, I like to put Crown Royal in a vanilla frosty. And it just has to be vanilla, because chocolate is distracting.

Well, today I learned that Wendy’s was listening! My fellow inebriates, it was so gratifying to know that they took my tweet to heart. They brought back the vanilla frosty, and now I feel heard, seen, and valued.

So, my fellow inebriates, now you can do it too! Here’s how:

  • You need a mickey or a flask of Crown Royal. Most Wendy’s restaurants will not let you open-carry your booze, so be discreet.
  • Order a frosty! They’re 99 cents right now.
  • Scoop out some of the ice cream (or facsimile). Give it to a small child—or even a nasty teenager if that’s who accompanied you to Wendy’s.
  • Now that you’ve made space, pour your Crown Royal in. Stir it up! I like a 2:1 Crown-to-frosty ratio, but you may prefer just a taste… say, 1–2 tbsp (what I call a breakfast frosty).
  • Drink the rest of your mickey or flask.
  • If the teenager is 16+, let them drive home.        

What do YOU like to put in your frosty? If you’ve tried something besides Crown Royal (tequila? rum?) tell me all about it! Drop me a line.

Scary got his wish

My friend Scary has been predicting the apocalypse his whole life. Volcanoes, black holes, the mysterious Planet X colliding with Earth, and yes—pandemic.

He didn’t predict a heatwave, but he says it falls under the ambit of “apocalyptic climate change.”

Now he’s pretty sure we’re all going to die. It got up to 45 C (114 F) in the house yesterday, and today will probably be the same.

We had to put the gerbils in the basement. Otherwise they were gonna die.

But Scary says we’re ALL gonna die.

“Told you, stupid.”

How alcohol continues to inspire

And then alcohol said, “Put that on Facebook, it’s hilarious.”

But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong.

The kids made me a thong.

I’ve since been banned from Facebook. Not for that reason, although it may have contributed.