ROBERT MONDAVI PRIVATE SELECTION CHARDONNAY (2016)—even if the kids didn’t drive you to it, you deserve it

My fellow inebriates,

Every so often, Mum and I go to our local booze shop (I ride in her purse) and pick out bottle of wine. I salivate as she pays with her debit card. Usually, that wine becomes an accompaniment to Netflix after the kids finally consent to go to bed. Then… ahhhh!

Today, however, my mother bought—in addition to a bottle of ROBERT MONDAVI PRIVATE SELECTION CHARDONNAY (2016)—a turquoise gift bag. Immediately I knew this wine was not for us; it was for Miss V’s long-suffering grade 5 teacher.

Mondavi private selection

You’d think my mother would have bought two of these bottles so we could also drink to V’s graduation from elementary school—but no luck. You see, my dad hates Chardonnay, so my mother and I would have to drink a whole bottle by ourselves, and that never ends well. So she demurred.

Fortunately I can still share tasting notes because my Nana—who is way cooler than my mother—has brought this wine to our house before. ROBERT MONDAVI PRIVATE SELECTION CHARDONNAY is smooth with ripe fruit aromas and moderate acidity. As you sip, you’ll detect pineapple, green apple, mango, and vanilla. It also has a touch of that butteriness that Chardonnay freaks love.

If I were a teacher I’d drink a bottle of this every night. So (presumably) now Miss V’s teacher has an extra.

You really can’t pay teachers enough, as Breaking Bad taught all of us so long ago.

67-Hilarious-Teacher-Memes-48

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Say yes to Pinot Gris and letting it all hang out

My fellow inebriates,

If you’ve never visited LBHQ (which of course you’re welcome to) then you’ve never seen Langley in all its glory. Wanna see old washing machines out on the curb? Trucks up on blocks? Toilets full of shrubbery? Well hell, come on down to LBHQ.

2016-08-29 14.52.25My family does its bit to keep pace with the neighbourhood. We’ve neglected the flower bed for four years. The lawn is littered with all manner of Nerf weaponry and ammo. And as you look up at our house (we’re on a hill), you do so through a mesh of undulating dandelions.

That’s why I was so delighted to read about Claire Mountjoy, a British mum who decided to hang her washing in the front yard.

clothesline-498738_960_720She had some good reasons—three boys = endless laundry; the sun had come out (which it does as infrequently in Britain as it does here); she wanted to save energy and be environmentally friendly; and she doesn’t have a backyard.

All good, right? (As long as there are no bears hanging from the line by their ears.)

Teddy-online

Not cool!

Not so much. Seems a neighbourhood business owner was affronted by Mountjoy’s laundry and wrote this anonymous letter:

photo-of-letter

Photo submitted to CBC by Claire Mountjoy.

Of course Mountjoy was upset. An anonymous letter is the most dickish means of communication, and it turns out local businesses were not onside with it. They showed their solidarity with Mountjoy by airing their laundry too, until the whole neighbourhood was festooned with socks, pajamas and undies.

colyton-clothes Photo CBC, Alison Stenning

Photo submitted to CBC by Alison Stenning

While the sender of the letter remains unknown, the rest of the town seems pretty jubilant about its laundry. In fact, there’s talk of an annual laundry event.

So here’s to the town of Colyton for letting it all hang out. A dedication: DIRTY LAUNDRY “SAY YES” PINOT GRIS ($17.49).

Dirty Laundry SAY YES pinot grisNow, all I have to do is get my mum to buy some so we can share tasting notes, my fellow inebriates. She’ll say she’s busy doing laundry or something, but I think I can persuade her.

DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO (2012)—You can’t trust this review any more than I can trust my mother

My mother texted some tasting notes from an undisclosed location last week:

 DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO (2012)

Medium-bodied. Noticeable but restrained tropical profile. Good weight, good structure, excellent minerality. Quite firm with a long finish. Maybe 20 bucks or so?

 

So here my mother was again, drinking wine without me. When I asked my dad where the hell she was, he said, “At work.” And apparently it was not bring-your-bear-to-work day. Apparently work is not bear-friendly.

What the hell kind of work could my mother be doing that involves lashings of Pinot Grigio? And can I really trust her tasting notes? Let’s check, first of all, whether she’s right about the price.

Wrong!

Wrong! DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO sells for $17.48.

Clearly my mother’s tastebuds were influenced by whatever sort of event she was attending. (OMG, where the hell was she?) Clearly whatever posh dinner accompanied the wine made it taste like $20 instead of $17.48. And clearly she needed a bear with her to estimate this wine’s cost more accurately.

So now I wonder whether we can even trust her tasting notes.

Let’s assume, my fellow inebriates, that this wine tasted a little better to my mother than it actually was. And really, I feel better doing that, because it means I didn’t miss out on such a good drinking experience. 

Next time I will stow away in her purse.