Corona continues to do just fine thanks to my neighbour

My fellow inebriates,

Last month I published what turned out to be a rumour—that Corona beer sales have nosedived because of coronavirus associations.

Turns out I was wrong! Constellation Brands, which owns Corona, saw a 9% rise in stock value last week. Although the COVID-19 pandemic has shaken things up a bit for Corona (including brewery closures in Mexico), there is apparently enough inventory to weather the crisis. According to Constellation, more than 85% of Corona sales are made to individual buyers, not bars or restaurants, so sheltering in place won’t harm it too much.

Looks like one of my neighbours is helping.

D2012 Corona empties

How one extra glass of booze can shorten your life, and why it doesn’t matter

Twitter scared the bejesus out of me today with a link to The Lancet, a somewhat more highly regarded publication than this blog, which has published a massive meta-analysis of almost 600,000 alcohol drinkers in 83 studies.

tHE lANCET HEADLINEI don’t have the attention span or the mental capacity to read a study like this, so I just scrolled through my Twitter feed, and this is what I learned:

  • Nineteen countries disagree about the ideal limit for alcohol (assuming you want optimal health, and who knows, you might not)
  • Men who drink less than 100g of alcohol per week can expect to live one to two years longer than men who drink twice that amountdrinks-2578446_960_720
  • Women who drink less than 100g of alcohol per week can expect to live 1.3 years longer than women who drink more than 100g of alcohol per week
  • Beer drinkers, spirits drinkers, and binge drinkers have the highest mortality risk
  • The ideal weekly drink limit is twice as much for men as it is for women (11 vs. 5!)
  • Exceeding the ideal weekly drink limit could shorten your lifespan by 30 minutes!!!!

So OMG, people, there’s so much to unpack here.

  • First of all, isn’t a lancet a kind of stabby thing for taking blood samples? This prestigious journal didn’t have to be named The Lancet. It could have been named Mike Tyson mysteriesThe Scalpel or The Retractor or The Bonesaw. Just saying.
  • Second, we need to move to Spain, Italy, or Portugal, where recommended drinks/week are 50 per cent higher. Whee!
  • Third, how are we to compare the findings for women and men as compacted into understandable bullet points by the Twitterverse? I mean, I only have two brain cells.
  • Fourth, wait till my mum finds out she’s not supposed to match my dad drink for drink. She’s gonna freak.
  • Fifth, we can’t binge?
  • Sixth, ummm, 30 minutes? That’s like three episodes of Mike Tyson Mysteries. Does it matter? I guess it depends whether we’re caught up on Netflix or not.

WreckSpex Zebra wood

Dad, where’s the beer?

My fellow inebriates,

You should see the amazing beer fridges that have popped up in our neighbourhood this week.

Even Miss P made one.

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Well, she started making one.

And Miss V made a snow gerbil.

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My question is, where is the beer to put in these fridges, and how do we guard that beer from this red-eyed gerbil?

Dad?