Apples vs pears…holding your nose to vote (or adding ice)…a hint of corruption…but you have Absolut power…America votes and this bear gets shitfaced watching the election coverage

OMG, my American inebriate friends, I am so excited about your election. I wish I could vote! (Not that bears can vote in Canada.)

All our favorite alcohol purveyors are shamelessly on board with the election…

Two candidates. Who gets your vote?

Original! Original! Pear is just a grab for sweet-toothed underage drinkers!

 

Let your vote be heard. Neat or on the rocks?

This one’s a toughie. For Jim Beam I’m gonna say with ice. Sort of like holding your nose and voting.

 

Vota por Corona. Siempre la elección correcta.
(Vote for Corona. Always the right choice.)

Corona probably doesn’t have any business talking about elections. This marketplace bully with its light mediocrity is so ubiquitous that everyone can remember a party where there was nothing but Corona—even if they “voted” for something else. Kind of like a Mexican election.

 

The future begins with you.

Just remember, if you fill your head full of vodka before you hit the polling station, try not to spoil your ballot! And if they try to prevent you voting because you’re intoxicated, stand your ground, my fellow inebriates. Voting drunk isn’t illegal—just being publicly intoxicated, and they can arrest you after you cast your ballot. Bring your toothbrush!

 

HAPPY VOTING, MY AMERICAN FRIENDS!

One last image on this important day, not of alcohol but of art…

My belated contribution to the recent Horses and Bayonets post third debate meme; a new addition in my continuing (over the course of the past four years) Obama Unicorn series; a painting of a nude Mitt Romney riding on Rafalca the dancing horse and battling President Barack Obama nude on a unicorn                                                                 —artist Dan Lacey

 

Rubb, Tugg, and Pull…little future Romneys?

My Fellow Inebriates,

Craziness has a talent for self-replication, which is why we (even Canadians) should keep an eye on Mitt Romney. Fundamentalists have a penchant for spreading their seed, and with wingnut Republicans such as Richard Mourdock sanctifying all progeny, borne of consenting relations or not, as gifts from God, we’ll need good names for the raft of new Republican infants who’ll one day cast their vote for some curiously inbred-looking Romney descendant chowing down on a corndog.

Mitt’s abstinence means we have to watch him stuffing his piehole with fast food and corndogs.
AP photo, Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images

Yesterday’s inanely metronomic pumpkin poem got my brain into a relentless rhythm that no amount of alcohol could derail. I spent this morning trying to channel that compulsion into another rhythmic project—thinking of awesome Romney baby names.

TOSS

FATT

NIBB

RATT

PUSS

RUBB/TUGG/PULL (triplets)

FIBB

PAPP

GITT

FIZZ

DUMM

GYPP

PISS

HELL (why not?)

BUMM

NIPP

SOGG

TITT

CUMM

SOTT

GAFF

SODD

BUTT

HEFF

RIFF/RAFF (twins)

WUSS

BODD

WIZZ

NUTT

BOGG

CUPP

DIZZ

MUFF

WOPP

FUZZ

GASS

KEGG

There must be plenty more, my fellow inebriates. The new generation needs these names. What’s missing?

Artist Dan Lacey’s response to President Obama’s recent comment in Rolling Stone magazine referring to Mitt Romney as a “bullshitter.” Click to see the whole gallery.