Romney

Four more beers

My Fellow Inebriates,

I had no idea how stressed out I was about the American election until it was over. You know what it’s time for now…

Rubb, Tugg, and Pull…little future Romneys?

My Fellow Inebriates,

Craziness has a talent for self-replication, which is why we (even Canadians) should keep an eye on Mitt Romney. Fundamentalists have a penchant for spreading their seed, and with wingnut Republicans such as Richard Mourdock sanctifying all progeny, borne of consenting relations or not, as gifts from God, we’ll need good names for the raft of new Republican infants who’ll one day cast their vote for some curiously inbred-looking Romney descendant chowing down on a corndog.

Mitt’s abstinence means we have to watch him stuffing his piehole with fast food and corndogs.
AP photo, Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images

Yesterday’s inanely metronomic pumpkin poem got my brain into a relentless rhythm that no amount of alcohol could derail. I spent this morning trying to channel that compulsion into another rhythmic project—thinking of awesome Romney baby names.

TOSS

FATT

NIBB

RATT

PUSS

RUBB/TUGG/PULL (triplets)

FIBB

PAPP

GITT

FIZZ

DUMM

GYPP

PISS

HELL (why not?)

BUMM

NIPP

SOGG

TITT

CUMM

SOTT

GAFF

SODD

BUTT

HEFF

RIFF/RAFF (twins)

WUSS

BODD

WIZZ

NUTT

BOGG

CUPP

DIZZ

MUFF

WOPP

FUZZ

GASS

KEGG

There must be plenty more, my fellow inebriates. The new generation needs these names. What’s missing?

Artist Dan Lacey’s response to President Obama’s recent comment in Rolling Stone magazine referring to Mitt Romney as a “bullshitter.” Click to see the whole gallery.