My Fellow Inebriates,
Craziness has a talent for self-replication, which is why we (even Canadians) should keep an eye on Mitt Romney. Fundamentalists have a penchant for spreading their seed, and with wingnut Republicans such as Richard Mourdock sanctifying all progeny, borne of consenting relations or not, as gifts from God, we’ll need good names for the raft of new Republican infants who’ll one day cast their vote for some curiously inbred-looking Romney descendant chowing down on a corndog.
Mitt’s abstinence means we have to watch him stuffing his piehole with fast food and corndogs.
AP photo, Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images
Yesterday’s inanely metronomic pumpkin poem got my brain into a relentless rhythm that no amount of alcohol could derail. I spent this morning trying to channel that compulsion into another rhythmic project—thinking of awesome Romney baby names.
TOSS
FATT
NIBB
RATT
PUSS
RUBB/TUGG/PULL (triplets)
FIBB
PAPP
GITT
FIZZ
DUMM
GYPP
PISS
HELL (why not?)
BUMM
NIPP
SOGG
TITT
CUMM
SOTT
GAFF
SODD
BUTT
HEFF
RIFF/RAFF (twins)
WUSS
BODD
WIZZ
NUTT
BOGG
CUPP
DIZZ
MUFF
WOPP
FUZZ
GASS
KEGG
There must be plenty more, my fellow inebriates. The new generation needs these names. What’s missing?
Artist Dan Lacey’s response to President Obama’s recent comment in Rolling Stone magazine referring to Mitt Romney as a “bullshitter.” Click to see the whole gallery.
Liquorstore Bear 