LB is on the road

My Fellow Inebriates,

We are on the road. This is very dire, actually, because the trip from LBHQ to my Nana & Papa’s place requires a lot of driving, and this of course means no alcohol.

Now, maybe I’m naive, but I figured as soon as we boarded the ferry we could start the party. Surely there must be a fabulous bar aboard the ludicrously named Coastal Celebration?

Well. You, being smarter than a bear, will have guessed the answer is no. BC Ferries is part of the BC Highway system. This means you can’t get blasted on the ferry, then burn off the ramp into Victoria with a headful of Bloody Marys.

When I think of this I’m actually filled with admiration for the government of British Columbia. Because I would have forgotten that, after the awesome ferry ride (which wasn’t awesome because Scary and I had to remain on the vehicle deck—”Bears are too scary for the general public,” said my dad), there was a whole other leg of driving to do on the way to our next destination:

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Butchart Gardens

Score another one for BC Highways. You really wouldn’t want to stumble into something like Butchart Gardens and its megawatt Christmas display while wrecked out of your head. Nana & Papa treated the family to a tour. The object was to find all the items from the Twelve Days of Christmas, from a partridge in a pear tree to the twelve drummers. Okay, if you weren’t the designated driver, you could probably handle it drunk, but Butchart Gardens is vast. It takes a good two hours to really see everything. You’d certainly have to pee, and you wouldn’t want to be the jerk relieving yourself against the maids-a-milking.

NOT THAT LB GOT TO ENJOY THIS!! Once again, Scary and I were confined to the car. “Bears are just too frightening for the general public,” said my parents again, which started to make me suspicious.

After Butchart Gardens…the ride to Nana & Papa’s house in Mill Bay. OMG! A half hour’s drive, and we could break out the wine! But it was not to be, my fellow inebriates. A rockslide had occurred on the Malahat Highway, closing off a lane to traffic. We sat for two freaking hours with the kids going apeshit in their car seats. We listened to “Call Me Maybe” and “Party Rock Anthem” twenty times each. We ate a giant box of SweeTarts instead of dinner, which took the linings off our tongues.

The kids passed out from exhaustion (which was good). Finally traffic moved. At last we arrived. A bottle of COPPER MOON was opened (review coming), and even though the SweeTarts had seared all our tastebuds off, we enjoyed it.

And guess what’s sitting under Nana & Papa’s Christmas tree? A little box labelled “LB.”

And guess what else??

It sloshes. 🙂

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