Check it out, my fellow inebriates…my belated birthday cake.
Well, not just mine. I had two co-celebrants: a poodle and a chihuahua. Note (if you can make it out) the doggie candles. It seems we had no bear candles.
It is a marble cake with white chocolate and milk chocolate drizzle. According to the humans it turned out pretty well, although if you visit the recipe page you’ll note the absence of kirsch, brandy, rum, Bailey’s, Kahlua, or even Malibu!
And I am freaking terrified of fire.
Fail!
Coffee doesn’t have to suck! If, like me, you can’t stand the way it wakes you up and makes you more alert, there’s an easy fix. These pics are from Liqurious. Click for recipes.
You couldn’t possibly be productive after a few of these. Equal parts tequila and kahlua with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in your coffee…I’m thinking you get the day off work.
This looks really wholesome and homey with those cookies but that little cup packs 2 ounces of Chairman’s Reserve Spiced Rum plus some orange curacao for good measure. You could pound a few of these and give the cookies to your kids. Sounds wholesome, right?
This is a classic Irish coffee but with a modern flourish. For starters you need espresso plus a few crazy ingredients (maybe some of my fellow inebriates know what turbinado sugar is but I don’t). You need mint leaves, people! That makes it almost healthy, which means you should have seven. Take the next day off as well.
Amaretto, coffee, cream, and cognac…ahhhh! Guess which one of the four necessary ingredients we have in the house? (Hint: It sucks.) No wonder LBHQ is so uncivilized.
This cocktail contains a bit of chilled coffee but is thankfully dominated by rum. Gingerbread essence and pumpkin molasses (Martha Stewart? What the hell are these things?) provide seasonal flavor along with some Kahlua for extra hooch. Replete with a gingerbread cookie garnish, it’s another family-friendly winner. How many cookies can your kids polish off? That’s how many drinks you get to have 🙂
My Fellow Inebriates,
Like anyone with a shred of common sense, I am freaking terrified of Martha Stewart. Just one glimpse of her faux-smile-concealing-untold-depths-of-cruelty and I get the shakes. So it’s no surprise that Martha knows how to make some scary cocktails, even if she doesn’t know she isn’t exactly pulling off that haircut any more (that’s for my Nana, who pretty much digs Martha except for the ‘do).
Was she hardened by the Inside, or is Martha Stewart just that naturally spine-tingling? Check out some of her creations…
You need some weird stuff to make this martini, including sanding sugar, whatever that is (is it edible?) plus an apple, if you haven’t crossed over into the liquids-only territory we true alcoholics inhabit.
Martha tells you how to make frightening garnishes, but leaves the martini itself up to us. Let’s mix a triple.
OMG, some people say this is the stuff that courses through Martha’s veins. But, hey, with four ounces of vodka in it, who’s quibbling?
It’s slimy! It’s murky! It’s rimmed with file powder, whatever the hell that is. And it has tequila in it. Gimme that swamp mix.
This rum-based coconut-cream cocktail is designed to appeal to blood-drinking monsters. Martha specifies “good-quality rum.”
Okay. Okay. I, er…OMG, I LOVE Martha Stewart!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MARTHA STEWART!!! She totally rocks that hairstyle and, OMG, does she ever know how to mix a drink!
I would get hammered with Martha any day. Morning, midnight, whatever.
Liquorstore Bear 