halloween

Yes, Miss V, you can make Jell-O

My Fellow Inebriates,

At least a dozen times a day Miss V asks if we can make Jell-O. My parents, who are lazy, usually say something like “Sure, in a little while,” then wait for her to scamper off on another pursuit. Today, however, I had Miss V’s back. I said, “Hey you f*@%ers, your second-born just asked if you would participate in an activity with her. Damn it, people, she wants to make Jell-O.”

This put matters squarely in Dad’s court. Mum was busy making some sort of banana-type atrocity, but Dad was just hanging out in his PJs. He could certainly make Jell-O!

Now, if you’ve never met Miss V in person, just conjure up a picture of Wednesday Addams, only blonde.

Wednesday

When that asks you to make Jell-O, you make Jell-O. Boil water, Dad!

What makes gelatin so perfect for Halloween is its bizarre composition of random animal parts.

gelatin composition

If Miss V knew, I wonder if she’d eschew Jell-O? Nah.

So what are we making?

I recommend these delicious Halloween Jello Shots I found on Free-N-Fun Halloween.

FNF_Halloween_Candy_Corn_Jello_Shots (1)

Here’s how you do it:

Ingredients

  • 2 large boxes lemon Jell-O
  • 2 large boxes orange Jell-O
  • 1 can whipped cream
  • Vodka
  • Candy corn (for decoration)

Instructions

Prepare lemon Jell-O with 2 cups boiling water, 1 cup cold water and 1 cup vodka .

Divide Jell-O into shot glasses and let chill in fridge for 4 hours.

Prepare orange Jell-O with 2 cups boiling water, 1 cup cold water and 1 cup vodka .

Divide Jell-O into shot glasses on top of the yellow layer and chill again for 4 hours.

Top with whipped cream and candy corn when ready to serve.

My dad, once he’d resigned himself to making Jell-O, said he’d make a different version—a version omitting everything but one package of orange Jell-O.

orange jello

Hell, he even omitted the shot-glass part.

Curse you, Dad!

Here’s my version:

Ingredients

Vodka

Instructions

Drink.

Already?

My Fellow Inebriates,

Yesterday my mum almost lost it in Superstore because she had to wait 20 minutes in line behind post-Halloween candy-buying freaks. At 6:00 am!! We haven’t even smashed our pumpkins yet, and the Christmas decorations are going up in stores. Yes, it’s a frantic time of year. How long before we hear our first Xmas carol?

Surely Santa isn’t ready…

santa-moderation

Unspeakable evil at LBHQ, and some Hallo-whining

My Fellow Inebriates,

LBHQ is overrun with kids. It smells like pumpkin guts. For some reason there is NO beer in the house. I feel almost as bad as the recent owner of this arm.

severed hand

But there are far scarier things going on at LBHQ. Remember my precious Canadian Cream?

I was so proud of our homemade booze.

I was so proud of our homemade booze.

It’s been in the fridge for eleven months. No one drinks it. And no one lets me drink it! And today, my mum wanted to shove a pumpkin pie in the fridge, and guess what was in the way?

My mother is evil.