alcohol

Yummly Jell-O shots

Checking out the inventory this morning, I realized we have a genuine booze emergency in the house. If you haven’t read my lamentations about the liquor cupboard being bare, here’s a list of what we have:

    • Bacardi Big Apple Rum—8 oz or so
    • Malibu—maybe 3 oz
    • Cusano Rojo Mezcal—2 oz, worm definitely dead
    • El Senorio Mezcal—4 oz, never opened, worm still hanging out in there
    • AppletonEstate Rum—2 oz

Needless to say, all are sealed tightly enough to defeat my furry, thumbless paws.

So I’d say that’s a crisis, wouldn’t you? These little remainders have been languishing for years. I’ve just about given up any hope of inspiring my parents to get into these rejected bottles. Just about…

Enter Yummly Nibbles & Bits, a gorgeous foodie website with pics that make even an alcoholic a little hungry. As you know, I don’t go in for solid food; I am all about liquor. But I’ll go as far as gels, and Yummly has a beautiful article on alcoholic Jell-O. They have some good ideas that might dovetail with our dreggish liquor cabinet.

But what is Jell-O exactly? Or more to the point, what is Jell-O made of? Well, hang on tight.

Phew! No bear parts. Unless they're included in "Other"???

Jell-O is gelatin-based, and gelatin is a “protein produced from collagen extracted from the boiled bones, connective tissues, and intestines of animals.” Whoa!

So what kinds of animals are we talking about? Just like you humans, I’m pretty good about compartmentalizing information, meaning I can shoot a Jell-O drink without envisioning the pigs, cows and chickens all jumbled up in its manufacture. But I’d have to draw the line if bears had any unfortunate part in gelatin production, just because I wouldn’t want to be a cannibal.

I googled “bear entrails vs gelatin” and was satisfied that bears are not used to make the stuff; however, gelatin is used to make gummi bears, which is cool. But you may want to avoid Jell-O shots if you’re concerned about them being kosher.

So what can we whip up using Jell-O and our meager booze rations?

From Bionic Bites

I want to make these very badly, but I have a few mods: I’m gonna sub Bacardi Big Apple Rum for the blueberry Stoli and leave out the actual blueberries. We have raspberry Jell-O so I’ll use that. The only hitch is that my mum says the kids will want it, so we have to leave out the rum.

From Bakers Royale

This one’s ingenious, but my mum will have to do all the work because I don’t have opposable thumbs or patience. You have to hollow out a bunch of strawberries…I thought we had some growing outside but it turns out they stop growing before November so we are SOL on that account. We can still make the Jell-O part because we have the right flavor (strawberry) and we have two kinds of Mezcal. I’ll use both and leave out the liqueur that we don’t have. Score!

Except my mum says we have to leave out the Mezcal so the kids can eat it. Oh, man.

from annie's eats

This one will work for sure.

Again, we have to scrap the orange liqueur, but it’s all good because we have Mezcal. We have to make sure the worm doesn’t fall into the lime Jell-O, though, because it might scare people. Now we’re all set.

Oh wait. My mum says we have to leave out the worm and the Mezcal. Sigh…

Why don’t you guys whip up some alcoholic Jell-O and tell me all about it?

AYINGERBRAU D. PILS EXTRA STRONG LAGER

I love when friends send me tasting notes, especially since I’ve been a bit melancholy because there’s nothing around for me personally to taste. After learning of Ayingerbrau I certainly want to snag some, although that might be a feat here in Canada. I also heard that this beer has been retired…anybody know anything about that? Stevie O says:

Photo: Robert Gale

The Murenger in NEWPORT, SOUTH WALES has been around since 1530. The beer served over the bar is made by the Samuel Smith Brewery who are originating from England but we don’t hold that against them. Their beer is vegan friendly. The original well at the Old Brewery, sunk in 1758, is still in use. The brewing water for the ales and stouts is drawn from 85 feet underground.

Ayingerbrau D. Pils Lager 5.90 is available over the bar and is strong tasting and refreshing. Be warned that this is a creeper and before you know it you’re trying to eat a burger whilst the police load you in the riot van 😦

I can only really vouch for the Pils but would recommend the various types they produce to everyone.

Cheers dudes 🙂 hic

 Wow!

First of all, nothing in my neighborhood has been around since 1530. There’s a big Walmart nearby where the famous People of Walmart shop, as well as Costco and Best Buy and…absolutely nothing like the Murenger. Everything here is spanky-new-till-it-falls-apart, not venerable and redolent of history. Man, Stevie O, you are one lucky dude.

Being completely ignorant of whatever Wales and England feel for each other, I just feel happy to know that beer drinking crosses all borders and boundaries. Alcohol is truly about bonding.

Are there any vegan serial killers? I only ask because I couldn’t find an actual photo of Stevie O to insert my pic into, and so I used one of Dexter Morgan instead. I used to become very anxious watching Dexter and had to stop, I think because I identified so strongly with him as just a super person but kept getting really freaked out by his sister (and then he married her, OMG). When I finished this highly realistic Photoshop project, I almost hyperventilated because I thought it was real and that I was being clutched by a dead guy whose hand must have locked around me in rigor mortis.

There’s no Ayingerbrau to be had at my booze store, so I’m relying on Stevie’s tastebuds. I love strong-tasting and refreshing beers, and I especially like creepers, although someone once called me one and I think they were using the word differently. I would like to see some pics of Stevie getting loaded into the riot van, mainly because then I would know what he actually looks like.

Wanting to be thorough I googled the beer for a few tasting notes and learned that people drink it mainly to get pissed. They describe it as chemical and metallic but nevertheless feel a deep fondness for it. Ahhh, where can I get some?

SANTA RITA 120 CABERNET FRANC-CARMENERE-CABERNET SAUVIGNON (2010)

My Fellow Inebriates,

Apparently my DTs were a minor matter to my parents last night, as they decanted our chosen bottle of wine and let it sit for almost 45 minutes before I got my chance at it.

One of many offerings from Chile’s SANTA RITA, the 120 CABERNET FRANC-CARMENERE-CABERNET SAUVIGNON smelled young and thin, like an ordinary table wine. I’m not saying I wasn’t excited, because I was totally dry and would have gone for anything at that point. I’m just saying the fragrance that initially wafted from this vino didn’t quite transport me.

So the first sip was a splendid surprise. Whereas the smell had hinted at thinness, the wine actually had good body, lots of fruit, nice acidity and warm tannins.

It wasn’t as complex as I would have liked. Once the initial rush of alcohol had calmed my jones and the ability to discern flavor had kicked in, I found myself wishing for more…more something.

It did have some stuff going on. Behind the blackcurrent and plum notes there was a satisfying leathery twang to it, a hint of Elastoplasts that kept me returning for a curious sip. It was very fruity, but somehow full of contradictory tastes.

I should mention I was watching Breaking Bad, this show about a chemistry teacher who decides to start cooking crystal meth and ends up in all kinds of scary situations. There was this scene where he taped a big bandage to a horrible-looking leg gash, which might have suggested bandages to me, but not the specific brand name I was tasting. I definitely think the wine hinted at Elastoplasts rather than Band-Aids. You may think that’s very pretentious of me to distinguish between the two, but if any given plonk-reviewer can assert the ascendency of cassis over blueberry in a wine, then I can tell you which type of bandage I think might have fallen off someone’s toe during the stomping.

Breaking Bad actually stresses me out, and the wine helped a lot. I’m kind of an idiot when I watch TV because I forget it’s pretend. With its 13.5% alcohol content, the SANTA RITA 120 blend calmed my jitters and eased away the idea that druglords were going to attack the house. There isn’t even any crystal meth here, peeps, because my parents are super-boring, and that’s okay.