My Fellow Inebriates,
My mum has unequivocally entered her mid-40s. Check out the gift I wanted to get her but didn’t actually get around to buying:
Four shot glasses. Because she’s 44.
Now you may think 44 is old, and I’d agree with you, but my mother was characteristically touchy about it.
ME: “So, what are we toasting with?”
MUM: “Nothing, I have to work.”
ME: “I mean later.”
MUM: “Nothing, I have to work all day.”
ME: “To earn money for liquor?”
Silence.
ME: “Or to earn money for some weird-ass endangered-animal secretion that you can smooth on your saggy skin?”
…
MUM: “I know of only one endangered animal. And its secretions are odious.”
OMG!
Happy birthday to your mum! I’ll toast to her with you if she is still indisposed.
Much appreciated! She didn’t even want to get drunk last night. She needs us to drink for her.
And by the way, happy birthday to YOU! Toasting you with…hmmm…well, um, cheap Scotch, how about that? It’s the best I can do. Wishing you much free-flowing alcohol…
Apparently, continuing to drink may be best short- (and long-) term health strategy for your mum, http://news.discovery.com/human/health/booze-bone-loss-women-120711.htm
That’s fantastic news! Booze is now a prescription 🙂