Obviously, we need more science in our community

My Fellow Inebriates,

When a pair of friendly Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on our door this week to regale us about the miracles of our 6000-year-old planet, whose majestic Grand Canyon sprang up in a geologic nanosecond, it was obvious we need more science in our lives, especially out here in Langley.

chemistry-shot-glasses

It’s important to be precise with your measurements, as my mother stressed to our visitors. She offered them some books on evolution, but they said they already had their own, so why would they need to read further?

I told her she should have invited them in to do shots with us.

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The good, the bad, and the ugly on turning 44

My Fellow Inebriates,

My mum has unequivocally entered her mid-40s. Check out the gift I wanted to get her but didn’t actually get around to buying:

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Four shot glasses. Because she’s 44.

Now you may think 44 is old, and I’d agree with you, but my mother was characteristically touchy about it.

ME: “So, what are we toasting with?”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work.”

ME: “I mean later.”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work all day.”

ME: “To earn money for liquor?”

Silence.

ME: “Or to earn money for some weird-ass endangered-animal secretion that you can smooth on your saggy skin?”

MUM: “I know of only one endangered animal. And its secretions are odious.”

OMG!