Picard doesn’t work all night?

My Fellow Inebriates,

A month without blogging is a disgrace, wouldn’t you say? My parents say they’re busy, but what are they really doing? I said to them: “If Captain Picard can work all night, then why can’t you find some time to DO MY TYPING?!” But then they said Picard didn’t actually work all night.

 

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Not all Canadians are clowns

Last week the WordPress community went berserk and a well-known Canadian blogger’s site imploded, taken down by another blogger under accusations of e-harassment. As usual I was late to the party and didn’t have a clue about what had happened until sometime after. I was a follower of Le Clown, albeit a half-hearted one, having hit the “follow” button as a gesture of reciprocity, only to decide later that his posts lacked a certain…kindness that I look for in a blog, whether it’s about beer, parenting, or whatever. And while I checked in with his blog occasionally, I had no sense of the WordPress politics brewing—and honestly, still don’t. I’m just a bear, and while I feel ardently that cyberbullying is not okay, I wasn’t following this blow-up and I don’t feel justified commenting on it.

What I must do, however, is redeem Canada for you, my fellow inebriates. Not all Canadian are clowns, and Canada has a lot going for it.

Case in point: Look at all the bears we have.

Bear collageLike, OMG, right?

And never mind bears. Look at all the beers up here.

Picture: Edmonton Journal

And then look at how nice Canadians are. No, really, my fellow inebriates. We actually don’t mind lining up. And our national pastime? Apologizing. Okay, sometimes we show off a little bit about health care, but then we apologize and tell you how long we had to line up for it. Right?

Is it freaking cold? Yes, it’s minus 4 at LBHQ, but that’s Celsius, so no biggie. If you haven’t tried Celsius, you might like it. Everything counts by tens, which is really great when you’re drunk, but not much good when you have two paws instead of ten fingers.

I will admit, we have Rob Ford, douchebag extraordinaire (but gift to comedians).

stephen-harper-beer

And PM Stephen Harper, who poses with cats just to get you to like him. He poses with beer just to get me to like him!

My parents say that if I can corral one of our cat-sized silverfish in the bathroom, they will pay the shipping to send it to Stephen Harper as a pet.

My parents say that if I can corral one of our cat-sized silverfish in the bathroom, they will pay the shipping to send it to Stephen Harper as a pet.

But still. There are some cool things here. Did you know that Alberta has a UFO landing pad? The Ministry of National Defense inaugurated it in 1967.

UFO landing pad

kirk-vs-gorn

And the Shat? He came from here!

So did the Bloody Caesar… 😉

Okay, fine, Canada did give the world Justin Bieber, but we also pour a lot of SLEEMAN HONEY BROWN LAGER

What do you guys think about Canada?

The good, the bad, and the ugly on turning 44

My Fellow Inebriates,

My mum has unequivocally entered her mid-40s. Check out the gift I wanted to get her but didn’t actually get around to buying:

64924_612736882076154_1571254403_n

Four shot glasses. Because she’s 44.

Now you may think 44 is old, and I’d agree with you, but my mother was characteristically touchy about it.

ME: “So, what are we toasting with?”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work.”

ME: “I mean later.”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work all day.”

ME: “To earn money for liquor?”

Silence.

ME: “Or to earn money for some weird-ass endangered-animal secretion that you can smooth on your saggy skin?”

MUM: “I know of only one endangered animal. And its secretions are odious.”

OMG!