My Fellow Inebriates,
My mum has unequivocally entered her mid-40s. Check out the gift I wanted to get her but didn’t actually get around to buying:
Four shot glasses. Because she’s 44.
Now you may think 44 is old, and I’d agree with you, but my mother was characteristically touchy about it.
ME: “So, what are we toasting with?”
MUM: “Nothing, I have to work.”
ME: “I mean later.”
MUM: “Nothing, I have to work all day.”
ME: “To earn money for liquor?”
ME: “Or to earn money for some weird-ass endangered-animal secretion that you can smooth on your saggy skin?”
MUM: “I know of only one endangered animal. And its secretions are odious.”