As much as I doubt any of my fellow inebriates would celebrate Adolf Hitler’s birthday today, I thought I’d better provide some booze suggestions for any party planners drifting through this space today. After all, if you fit into any of the celebratory categories listed below, you probably need some help.
As impossible as it was to find beverages commensurate with the occasion and/or the ideological enthusiasm involved, I do have a few choice reviews that might do in a pinch for anyone wearing a party hat labeled Mein Führer. Without further ado, the categories:
- You believe the Holocaust did not happen.
- You do believe the Holocaust happened, and you think it was awesome.
- You entertain both premises simultaneously while you await evidence not yet provided by 60 years of historical scholarship.
- In addition to evincing skepticism about the Holocaust (while applauding it), you dispute evolution, anthropogenic global warming, and the Big Bang, along with the absurd corollary that the earth exceeds 6,000 years of age.
I trust the selected doubleplusgood beverages will capture and reflect your enchantment with Hitler, not to mention get you into a mellow space to appreciate this video of the late Christopher Hitchens effortlessly disemboweling both John Metzger and his dad. Cheers.
And because, let’s face it, I’ve been monumentally unfair to the undeserving brewers and vintners depicted above*…a bonus beverage.
Bottoms up, Neo-Nazis!