COPPER MOON PINOT GRIGIO—Good enough to drink

I almost winked out of existence yesterday.

My parents had neglected to renew my domain name. In the face of I-don’t-know-how-many renewal notices from WordPress, they were vacillating about whether I should continue my blog.

Of course I was pissed! (Pissed angry as opposed to pissed pissed.) When I asked them why (“Why, dammit? Why?!”) they said things like, “Well, you haven’t really blogged since April” and, “You seem to have lost your mojo, LB.”

Let’s take these one at a time.

callout-1

I have paws. I do not have fingers. So I need a typist. And my typists have been screwing around. They say they are too busy working to do my typing, but DO I SEE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BEING NEWLY ALLOCATED FOR ALCOHOL?

I most certainly do not, my fellow inebriates. In fact, this item showed up in our house last week:

copper-moon

My mother purchased it for $7.79 at our (also neglected) booze shop, where—get this—she said to the consultant: “I need half a cup of wine to make Chicken Parmesan but, let’s face it, I’m going to drink the rest of the bottle when I’m done. What’s the cheapest tolerable white here? Is this COPPER MOON stuff drinkable?”

After attempting to lead my mother to the Italian wine section and urging her toward something $5 more expensive, then resignedly following my mother back to the Canadian plonk section while no doubt listening to all kinds of justifications for drinking 625 ml of wine just because you need to dump 125 ml into a questionable cooking experiment and that’s what’s left over, the consultant sighed and agreed that COPPER MOON PINOT GRIGIO would be inoffensive if lacking in interest. Which was acceptable to my mother.

So how was the wine then?

Actually pretty good. COPPER MOON PINOT GRIGIO is crisp yet heavily redolent of pear, citrus and other orchardy notes. It’s unexpectedly light and decidedly un-cloying. While the flavours could play a bit better together, they don’t hit any really off notes, and at 12.5 percent alcohol, this wine is a good selection if you’re planning to pound it while you’re pounding chicken.

I would like to diss my mother here some more, but she actually stopped at one glass, which means we have over half a bottle left in the fridge. What did you say, my readers? “Sounds like breakfast?”

This wine is cheap as hell and doesn’t punish you for it.

But still.

callout-3Where the hell is all the MONEY my parents are supposedly earning when they could be typing for yours truly?

“Well, you know, the kids have dance and gymnastics and band and we have pets to feed and clothes to buy and conferences to attend and blah blah blah. All that stuff costs money, LB.”

Okay, so my parents’ priorities suck. On to the next issue:

callout-2

Well, you would too, wouldn’t you? Imagine having your liquor budget ripped away and then spending months on pins and needles wondering whether your blog will be renewed and knowing that, even if it is, you’re dependent on humans with opposable thumbs to do your damn typing. You might say, F*&k that! I’m going to stare at the wall for half a year!

Anyway, that’s what happened. I guess I did lose my mojo, people. Thankfully there’s half a bottle of COPPER MOON PINOT GRIGIO in the fridge to help me get it back.

Over the next few weeks I will be talking about all the blah blah blah that has eroded my hard-drinking lifestyle and, by extension, this blog. It will break your hearts, my fellow inebriates.

DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO (2012)—You can’t trust this review any more than I can trust my mother

My mother texted some tasting notes from an undisclosed location last week:

 DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO (2012)

Medium-bodied. Noticeable but restrained tropical profile. Good weight, good structure, excellent minerality. Quite firm with a long finish. Maybe 20 bucks or so?

 

So here my mother was again, drinking wine without me. When I asked my dad where the hell she was, he said, “At work.” And apparently it was not bring-your-bear-to-work day. Apparently work is not bear-friendly.

What the hell kind of work could my mother be doing that involves lashings of Pinot Grigio? And can I really trust her tasting notes? Let’s check, first of all, whether she’s right about the price.

Wrong!

Wrong! DANZANTE PINOT GRIGIO sells for $17.48.

Clearly my mother’s tastebuds were influenced by whatever sort of event she was attending. (OMG, where the hell was she?) Clearly whatever posh dinner accompanied the wine made it taste like $20 instead of $17.48. And clearly she needed a bear with her to estimate this wine’s cost more accurately.

So now I wonder whether we can even trust her tasting notes.

Let’s assume, my fellow inebriates, that this wine tasted a little better to my mother than it actually was. And really, I feel better doing that, because it means I didn’t miss out on such a good drinking experience. 

Next time I will stow away in her purse.

OGOPOGO’S LAIR PINOT GRIGIO (2011)—Surprisingly delicate choice for a sea monster

My Fellow Inebriates,

My mother has produced an extremely belated Christmas present for yours truly—unwrapped as it happens—and a transparently obvious excuse to have a drink tonight while everybody else is on Vancouver Island. You see, my mother gets a bit freaked out by the noises our old house makes, and the only cure for that is to get drunk.

Ogopogo's Lair

Calling it my Christmas present and giving it to me on January 1 is rich, MFI, don’t you think? There I was on Christmas morning, on my best behaviour beside the Christmas tree, and there was nothing—sweet nothing for this little bear. But when my mother gets the urge to have a drink…Merry Christmas, LB, look what I got you! You don’t mind if I drink it with you, do you, little buddy?

Luckily for her I don’t mind. The bottle in question is called OGOPOGO’S LAIR PINOT GRIGIO (2011), produced by Ganton & Larsen Prospect Winery in Kelowna, British Columbia.

Named for the fabulous creature that inhabits Okanagan Lake, this wine pours a delicate peachy-straw colour that makes my fur look dirty by comparison. So light and inviting is this Pinot that you might be tempted to upend the bottle, but it is lovely to look at in the glass, wafting bright citrus and fresh orchard tones.

Thank you Wikipedia. We have a pic somewhere of my friend Scary riding the Ogopogo but it's gone missing :(

Thank you Wikipedia. We have a pic somewhere of my friend Scary riding the Ogopogo but it’s gone missing 😦

I wouldn’t have associated such a wine with the Ogopogo. I’d have taken that beast for a whisky drinker—a Laguvulin fan probably. But this is a Christmas present out of nowhere, so I’ll take it. Let’s find out how it tastes, my fellow inebriates.

OMG, it is lovely. Fresh and nicely balanced, with deliciously crisp acidity and a flirty finish, OGOPOGO’S LAIR is delightful. I think my mother should have bought me two bottles, don’t you? Especially since Fluffy Bear and I are planning to make tons of scary noises tonight, and she’ll need to be completely wrecked if she wants to miss that.