My Fellow Inebriates,

At least a dozen times a day Miss V asks if we can make Jell-O. My parents, who are lazy, usually say something like “Sure, in a little while,” then wait for her to scamper off on another pursuit. Today, however, I had Miss V’s back. I said, “Hey you f*@%ers, your second-born just asked if you would participate in an activity with her. Damn it, people, she wants to make Jell-O.”

This put matters squarely in Dad’s court. Mum was busy making some sort of banana-type atrocity, but Dad was just hanging out in his PJs. He could certainly make Jell-O!

Now, if you’ve never met Miss V in person, just conjure up a picture of Wednesday Addams, only blonde.

When that asks you to make Jell-O, you make Jell-O. Boil water, Dad!

What makes gelatin so perfect for Halloween is its bizarre composition of random animal parts.

If Miss V knew, I wonder if she’d eschew Jell-O? Nah.

So what are we making?

I recommend these delicious Halloween Jello Shots I found on Free-N-Fun Halloween.

Here’s how you do it:

Ingredients

• 2 large boxes lemon Jell-O
• 2 large boxes orange Jell-O
• 1 can whipped cream
• Vodka
• Candy corn (for decoration)

Instructions

Prepare lemon Jell-O with 2 cups boiling water, 1 cup cold water and 1 cup vodka .

Divide Jell-O into shot glasses and let chill in fridge for 4 hours.

Prepare orange Jell-O with 2 cups boiling water, 1 cup cold water and 1 cup vodka .

Divide Jell-O into shot glasses on top of the yellow layer and chill again for 4 hours.

Top with whipped cream and candy corn when ready to serve.

My dad, once he’d resigned himself to making Jell-O, said he’d make a different version—a version omitting everything but one package of orange Jell-O.

Curse you, Dad!

Here’s my version:

Ingredients

Vodka

Instructions

Drink.