BEEFEATER gin seems to hold a lot of reminiscences for just about everyone I meet. Perhaps because it’s so ubiquitous, or perhaps because it’s just that good. But chances are, if you’ve had a G&T at any reputable booze hole, it was made with BEEFEATER.

I went to the corporate website (drunk) and found it almost unnavigable, so without benefit of its wisdom I’ll give you my tasting impressions.

BEEFEATER is the most juniper-laced gin I’ve ever tried. In addition to juniper it contains eight other botanicals, the perfect choreography of which dates back to the 1860s when founder James Burrough perfected the recipe.

This sort of pedigree would make me feel comfortable drinking gin with the very elderly. If I were invited to an old-age home to entertain the residents, I’d take along some BEEFEATER and feel absolutely immune from any grey-haired judgment. After all, it was the drink for our elders back in the day, and chances are your granny and granddad were lit up on BEEFEATER all day long.

As forthright as its crazy botanical assortment of flavors is, BEEFEATER is one smooth gin. It won’t ravage your throat, it won’t suddenly disgust you, and it won’t make you thoroughly ill the next day.

If, long ago, you ever managed to sneak a sip from a doddering relative’s gin & tonic, chances are it was garnished with lemon. That’s the English way and perfectly lovely; the North American translation is with lime, and that’s great too. The Liquorstore Bear way is to use both, or any, or neither. With the LB method, tonic is optional too.

My dad thinks of gin as a summer drink and has therefore refused to buy me any, so I am going to appeal to BEEFEATER Corporate to send me some of their newer BEEFEATER 24 product to review for you. I will mention the difficulty I had navigating their website while hosed in the hopes that this will persuade them of my seriousness as a reviewer and my commitment to their beautiful gin. And of course I will assure them that I will in all likelihood RECOMMEND it alongside the tried-and-true original. Wish me luck, humans.