My Fellow Inebriates,

This week my mother got an email from Chelsea of the Moon Under Water Pub & Brewery announcing Canada’s first Beer for Dogs. After some back-and-forth, Chelsea kindly offered to mail us a sample of said “Dog Beer,” saying her own dog (Brew) “likes it lots but he’s not known to be particularly fussy.”

“Well, that pretty much describes you, doesn’t it?” my mother said to me.

“It does not.”

“It absolutely does. You’ll drink anything, LB.”

I tried to stamp my foot, but the same silence resulted as would have without the effort. “Excuse me,” I said, “but you’re forgetting one important thing: I don’t sample non-alcoholic beers, and if I do, I always trash them unfairly.”

“You’re an animal. You could sample a Dog Beer.”

“No, I couldn’t. Functional alcoholics don’t take an interest in things like that.”

“You’re more of an animal than a functional alcoholic. You have to have functions to be a functional alcoholic.”

And so our morning went until finally I said, “Damn it, forward me the email and I’ll try and charm Chelsea into sending some human beer.”

 

Meanwhile, Miss V said her Chihuahuas would love a sample of Dog Beer. Not that it’s occurred to feed them before, but the kid loves receiving packages in the mail, so why not? Dog Beer is a no-alcohol/carbs/hops beverage specifically formulated for canines by microbiologist and brewmaster Clay Potter. In addition to malt, Dog Beer contains beef and chicken stock along with glucosamine and salmon oil “for a healthy coat and joints.”

Dog Beer will make its debut on August 10 at an all-day event supporting Broken Promises Rescue, a volunteer-run Victoria-based non-profit animal rescue organization. You can get involved by buying a tile in the Moon’s new penny floor. Each tile costs $20 and comes with a plaque you can put your name on, and $10 from each tile goes to Broken Promises.