My Fellow Inebriates,
Yesterday my mum almost lost it in Superstore because she had to wait 20 minutes in line behind post-Halloween candy-buying freaks. At 6:00 am!! We haven’t even smashed our pumpkins yet, and the Christmas decorations are going up in stores. Yes, it’s a frantic time of year. How long before we hear our first Xmas carol?
Surely Santa isn’t ready…
Liquorstore Bear 
Oh, that was your mum standing behind me? Sorry.
She’s a total hypocrite. She loves buying up all the treats post-holiday.