Environmental Message

My Fellow Inebriates,

I’m really against driving. You see, I’m always drunk, so I mustn’t ever drive. And that kind of makes me an environmentalist. See, if everyone spent every day pie-eyed the way I do, no one would ever drive, and our planet would flourish.

Now, get yourself a big glass of vermouth and leave some comments about how you enjoy it. Did you know the word “vermouth” is German for “wormwood”? Well, why cook with something so special? You can afford it, so go fill up that Big Gulp cup and get sipping. I want to hear about all my friends’ vermouth experiences tomorrow when I drag myself out of bed.

You see, we’re out of vermouth at my house.

Oh yeah, and check out this video. I had no idea I could apply for a job like this, although I would have been hesitant to submit to the obvious surgical mods those bears in the video have had. Is it worth it? You tell me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw1g2yKxb0I

Time for Brandy Cassis

You know you want one! It may be late (or early for you Australians) but haul out the following:

  • 1.5 oz brandy
  • 1 oz lemon juice
  • creme de cassis to taste (a dash will do)

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice and pour this stuff into it. Shake it like crazy and pour it into a nice-looking glass (or your toothpaste cup or whatever you’ve got). Voila…breakfast.

APPLETON ESTATE V/X Jamaica Rum

My Fellow Inebriates,

In our liquor cabinet is a tiny bottle of APPLETON ESTATE Jamaica rum, purchased to make…a tiramisu.

This would offend me to my core had the tiramisu not been intended for my 2010 birthday. Yes, my parents do remember the date, assisted by kids so frantic for sugar that they would happily celebrate an animal’s birthday a day if they could in order to have cake.


The quarter-cup of rum my mum so generously included in last year’s celebratory dessert did, in fact, cook off, leaving a pleasant rum flavor but little of the hooch that yours truly craves so desperately. Yeah, yeah, it was nice, and everybody sang and scared the shit out of me with flaming candles, toward which my constant delirium tremens threatened to launch me, and all the rest of it.

Perhaps my malaise was evident last year, because this year my mum just gave me a shot glass of rum.

Not a standard pour, mind you, but what she deemed appropriate for a smallish bear. But, ahhh, it was delightful.

For quality my thimbleful of rum, despite being APPLETON ESTATE’S entry-level product, did not disappoint. Gloriously honey-gold and leggy (not that I could really test this part to my satisfaction, with my inadequate glassware), it wafted scents of banana, orange layered with molasses, and an ever-so-slight vanilla whiff at the finish. A touch oily in the mouth, APPLETON ESTATE V/X is a busy rum nested with flavors and imparting just enough burn.

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED THIS BEVERAGE FROM A LARGE SNIFTER, NOT A TEENY SHOT GLASS!

In fact, I would not mix this rum with anything, NOR WOULD I COOK WITH IT! It is heavenly as is. That said, it would make a swell rum-and-coke if you must. And if you wanted to visit me in jail one day (not there yet, just anticipating it could happen one day), you could bring me rumballs. But no other balls please!

Highly RECOMMEND!