My Fellow Inebriates,
You’ve been operating three days now without a booze horoscope and, while I would never say you’re drinking the wrong beverages, the stars are assholish and would rather you did their bidding. Now, if only the stars could get my typist to generate a horoscope on time. Apparently my parents are too busy “working for money” to rescue my paws from a near-impossible typing chore.
Melon liqueur and tequila means spring is coming (unless you live down under, in which case, drink it anyway). Add some grapefruit juice, a lime slice, and a cherry. Complete meal.
Got 1.75 L of Everclear? You might if you don’t live in Canada (sigh). Jack that shit up with Red Bull, Country Tyme, and 24 cans of cheap hockey beer. Take Monday off work.
Grapefruit soda goes great with Beefeater. But Beefeater’s even better by itself.
You get to be the designated driver this week. Don’t worry, I know how it feels—LBHQ is dry right now.
Why eat blueberry muffins when you can combine blueberry and vanilla vodka? That’s breakfast, all week long.
You deserve some rich, boozy dessert: Kahlua, vodka, and Bailey’s, blended up with some actual ice cream, milk, and ice. OMG, that sounds good, especially without the ice cream, milk, and ice.
Another elaborate and silly drink for you. Hollow out some kind of tropical fruit. Fill it with amaretto, rum, and pineapple juice (that’s it! use the pineapple).
It’s a boozy week and we need another designated driver. Tag, you’re it! You get to drink a nice wholesome milkshake while watching pals get pissed.
The stars like to experiment on you, Sag. Equal parts Bailey’s, Blue Curacao, and Pernod. OMG, what the hell will that even look like?
The stars double-dare you this week. Firewater cinnamon schnapps + Tequila Rose strawberry cream liqueur = hell knows what. Lucky you.
Bacardi with random juice for you. How about raspberry and orange? Another fine breakfast.
I just discovered they make root beer schnapps. Exactly why, who knows, but the stars want you to mix it up with Orange Crush, take your swampwater to a movie, and make a public nuisance of yourself. In other words, the usual.
11 thoughts on “ASTROLIQUOR for February 22 to March 1, already in progress”
Astroliquor is quickly becoming my fav…Sincerely, Sag.
You are too kind! The stars were very lazy this week; they didn’t give me much to work with. Cheers!
I need to sub my rum for vodka. 😉
I DON’T KNOW IF THE STARS WILL LIKE THAT! Personally, I would substitute all the rum with whisky and all the vodka with gin, but I’m just the humble astrologer and basically a drunken idiot. Nice to see you, Red!
For some reason I stopped getting your updates. I will have to see what’s going on with my settings.
Curse you, stars! Now I feel compelled to pull out my Bailey’s Irish (whipped) cream topped Chocolate Guinness stout cream pie recipe and test it a few times before the big day.
Hmmm, that chocolate graham cracker crust seems a bit dry. Maybe a drop or two of Irish whisky with a splash of a rich bordeaux?
That all sounds really excellent, but without the food part!
I love my horoscope this month. Breakfast is my favourite meal, all day long.
That’s great to hear! The stars are sometimes a bit sadistic with their drink recommendations. What was your drink?
LB: perfect Scorpio horoscope. have gone back to Bill W’s house after 5 years away (12 years as a friend prior to that). Milkshakes in my future,Luckily they bring all the boys to my yard.
Wait,.that song LIES!
I can be the designated driver again
Don’t worry, the stars will never make you be the DD two weeks in a row. I’ve missed you, Miss R, what have you been up to? Does Bill W have a computer? I miss your posts.
LB: Google on Bill W.
By the way, I’m not going anywhere and will love to read your critiques and naturally, wit and wisdom 😉