GRAY FOX CHARDONNAY (2010)—choice of sociopaths

My Fellow Inebriates,

Last year my mum caused me spasms of horror by pouring a bottle of Henkell Trocken over the roasting Christmas turkey. (Henkell Trocken is really not for that, people—it’s citrusy and dry with good acidity.) I died inside when she did that, so this year she had a little mercy on me and opted for a dirt-cheap bottle of chardonnay instead.

Gobbling up a hand

I did try to persuade her not to do it at all. But my mother can be very cutting. Her eyes narrowed, and she said, “Sometimes I look at you and suspect you’re inanimate.” Then she opened the oven and poured a bottle of GRAY FOX chardonnay all over the bird.

I did get a small glass before the culinary sacrifice. But I wasn’t optimistic; $6.99 is just about as cheap as wine gets at my local booze shop, and at that price I expect a tastebud offensive, a chorus of plonky mismatched notes with manure and hell-knows-what-else in the background.

So it was a relief to find that GRAY FOX chardonnay tastes like…white grape juice. Really.

With orchard fruitiness dominating the nose and very little of the excessive oak that’s typical of a try-hard California chardonnay, GRAY FOX qualifies as mostly harmless. It won’t make you retch, nor will it appeal to you with complexity and butteriness. At 12% alcohol it sure kicks Welch’s Grape Juice’s ass, yet it seems like too much of a kissing cousin to that kid-friendly beverage. Forgive me, but it doesn’t taste done. Now, you guys know I’m an idiot with a furry mouth and not a ghost of an oenophile’s qualifications, but this wine tastes like it needed to ferment a little longer. It’s grapey, and I’m not sure how intentional that was on the part of the vintner.

I told my mum GRAY FOX would make a good gateway wine for children, only to get the obligatory reminder that I mustn’t encourage irresponsible drinking. So I’ll put it this way: Kids would really like this wine, but don’t give it to them.

But don’t throw it all over a turkey either—OMG, what a waste of alcohol. The fact that my mum thought it made good gravy doesn’t make it okay. But when a sociopathic hausfrau covered in giblets and poultry grease seizes a wine bottle, you just have to let her do her thing.

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9 responses to “GRAY FOX CHARDONNAY (2010)—choice of sociopaths”

  1. Rachael Black says :

    Hey, at least it wasn’t Manischewitz. Can remember Grandma Anna at Sedar having her her traditional glass of the stuff… and add teaspoons of sugar to as well. -shudders at memory.
    Will stay clear of your aforementioned ‘made specifically for teen-age groping in a backseat’ wine.

  2. Mo' Money Mo' Houses (@momoneymohouses) says :

    I just tried this wine for the first time and brought it to a New Year’s party in the suburbs. It definitely was offensive, and this was a party where 3 people were passed out before midnight.

    • liquorstorebear says :

      That sounds like my kind of party! The ‘burbs are definitely a hotbed for alcohol-related misbehavior. Thanks for confirming the poor review on the Gray Fox! It’s nice to know I wasn’t imagining it.

  3. Jessica Moorhouse says :

    FYI I wrote up a post on my blog about cheap wines referencing my experience with Grey Fox and you my good sir are referenced 🙂 Liquorstore Bear is still the best name I’ve ever heard for a blog about liquor.

    http://momoneymohouses.com/post/16974113159/its-friday-which-means-its-cheap-wine-review-time

  4. liquorstorebear says :

    Cheapest thing on the shelf though 😉 But I’ve had homemade that tasted better.
    Is it Friday?

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