How to avoid being alone on Valentine’s Day—let’s see if it works

My Fellow Inebriates,

Everything around me is pink and red! It’s a rose-petal blizzard of romance! Get the sense that everyone is partnering up? It’s like a terribly contrived race-to-the-airport movie-sequence, with 13 days to go until that amorous Day of All Days arrives. It’s like the New Year’s countdown, people, but the road to the coveted Romantic Kiss is more drawn-out and more lined with merchandise. OMG, it makes me feel so lonely! I’m going to be alone for Valentine’s Day.

After rattling this thought around my head awhile I decided to sign up with the dating service Plenty of Fish.

And Plenty of Fish said:

For some reason they were cool when I amended my name to Liquorstore Bearr.

And then the hard part started. OMG, it was like taking a test!

And then I had to actually take a test!! A chemistry test!!

Here’s some of the feedback Plenty of Fish gave me:

“As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble.”

“…when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you.”

Wow! Pretty spot-on! I think this might be a good thing. Maybe I will make a connection in time for Valentine’s Day after all!

Just one more step…

This is so awesome. No more loneliness for me 😉

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4 responses to “How to avoid being alone on Valentine’s Day—let’s see if it works”

  1. snarkysnatch says :

    Don’t let him do it. It is wackadoo central on there!!!!

  2. itstaylormade says :

    That is the most amazing idea ever, and I love every bit of this post. I will marry you myself, LSB!

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