You found me how?

My Fellow Inebriates,

With New Year impending we’re awash in Top 10 lists. Being housebound and permanently drunk, I can’t weigh in very intelligently on the Top 10 of anything. I can’t even count to ten right now. Here, instead, are my favorite search terms from 2011.

By “search terms” I mean phrases people entered into search engines that somehow brought them to this site. Here’s a sampling:

why is alcohol so good

Here’s an example of a search engine working optimally. Every day is a paean to alcohol—because it is so very good.

random christmas turkey

I guess, depending on your lifestyle, having an entire hand inside you could qualify as random.

unicorn hug

There’s only been one unicorn mentioned on this site: Penelope the Unicorn, Barack Obama’s constant companion and co-worshiper of the Baby Jesus. Just the other day Dan Lacey emailed with a tracking number for the print he’s sending of the painting that escaped me on ebay. I’m so excited!

jack daniels jim beam johnnie walker jose cuervo

Somebody’s thinking like I do.

watermelon dude

I guess if you saw this once you might remember it and search for it again. I hope the searcher meant to find this pic.

calendar top shit

What does this even mean? How did it funnel someone here?

anti gay charity

Was somebody actively seeking out an anti-gay charity? Yikes.

santa flashing

Who wouldn’t want to see that?

beer throw up

Can’t argue with a search engine.

should I drink a beer

Uh, yeah.

bears nude guys

Bears and nude guys? Nude guys who are bearlike? I don’t know, so here you go.

nothing like a good spanky

I’ve never written about that (believe it or not).

meat liquor

To make liquor you need two things: plant matter and water. Anybody out there attempting to craft a meat liquor, drop me a line (but not a sample).

freak nativity scene

Here? On this site?

singha girl

You got it.

Thanks to everyone who visited this year. Have a delightfully drunken (but safe) New Year’s celebration, and I’ll catch you on the flip side.

6 thoughts on “You found me how?

  1. all I can say is I’m jealous. because of one particular post, the most frequent thing bringing people to my site is “gun in mouth” haha, so combined with a fairly frequent reference to the precious booze idk if this is comforting or not. ahh fuck who am I kidding, I want people to visit FBG regardless of what they do afterwords, i’ll have a drink in their memory

    • …and as expected haha as soon as I wrote the above comment (not even approved in moderation yet I don’t think) somebody else looked up gun in mouth and came to my site…. okay i will admit its about an animation emoticon b/c i felt the world needed access to the expression)

      • haha, I looked it up. I don’t like the way that emoticon continues putting the gun in its mouth, as if once weren’t sufficient. Then again, emoticons are generally a bit obnoxious, so if one decides to off itself, I wish it well.

  2. Great, and so funny, list. May have to steal the idea. Will link back of course.
    Happy New Year Bear! And may all of your holiday hugs, brushing, re-sewn eyes (should this occur… or ocular), cocktails, and wishes come true!

  3. OMG, no, I’m not planning to have my eyes transplanted–holy crap, that’s scary! No, no, but I have some cheap Freixenet here that’s fizzing away here. Took a while to open it 😦 It didn’t even have a cork, so my eye wasn’t in danger.
    Hope all your craziest dreams come true in 2012!

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