Countdown to midnight—How to pace yourself so you make it to the end

My Fellow Inebriates,

With one day remaining of this, the penultimate year of the Mayan calendar, some decent bubbly is in order. There’s a multitude of reasons to kiss this year off with some drama. Not only is 2011 the last full year before the Apocalypse; but it really, really sucked. All sorts of bad stuff happened—the continuing economic downturn, the drop in real estate values, earthquakes, natural disasters…And my granny died, so 2011 can kiss my furry ass.

When you want a calendar year to piss off as badly as I do, some proper booze is in order. You want to be borderline senseless when you shoo that rotten year out the door.

Here’s the menu:

9:00am—Every good breakfast starts with orange juice, but a fantastic breakfast features vodka too. I’m mixing screwdrivers.

12:00pm—Time to slow the pace a bit. There’s a long day ahead, and Dolly has promised me a midnight kiss if I agree to rub myself with Bounce dryer sheets first—and if I’m awake. A nice lager fits the bill. I like Sleeman.

3:00pm—No sense getting gooned yet, but the drinking must continue. The solution? A milkshake with rum and Kahlua. The ice cream will absorb some alcohol and stand in for lunch.

6:00pm—The buzz should be steady by now, so a slow sipper is in order. I’m thinking cognac and sherry with a little chocolate liqueur.

9:00pm—What the hell, close enough to midnight. Break out the tequila—it’s time for Fisting in a Mexican Prison.

11:45pm—Somebody splash me with water, because it’s time to get the champagne flutes out. You mean you haven’t bought some sparkly sparkles yet? OMG! Without further ado, some recommendations:

  • Yellow Tail Bubbles. Thirteen bucks isn’t too much of a gamble. Fruity, sparkly and tropical.
  • Freixenet Cordon Negro Brut. Not bad, not bad, especially for under $15. Fresh and citrusy.
  • Henkell Trocken. At $13.99 it gets the job done admirably. Bright and sparkly.
  • Moet & Chandon Imperial. This is the real deal, from the Champagne region and jumping with sublime orchard aromas and flavors. It’s $65, though, and, if you’re as hammered as I at midnight, an unfortunate waste.

12:00am 2012—If the pacing on this booze menu turns out to be okay, maybe I’ll get my New Year’s kiss.

What’s on your New Year’s menu?

2 thoughts on “Countdown to midnight—How to pace yourself so you make it to the end

  1. Ian Black says:

    I highly recommend the “Black Velvet” — with my name why wouldn’t I?
    The drink is simple — equal parts Champagne and Stout. You might think those two do not belong anywhere near each other, but they actually complement one another beautifully. The stout can ameliorate some of the “brashness” of the champagne, while the champagne can nicely nullify some of the bitterness of the stout. The end result — well the name says it — smooth as velvet!

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