And something DID happen next…

Yesterday was so awesome, I didn’t think anything could top it.

And then…

OMG!!!! OMG!!!!! Freshly Pressed, MFI (that’s “My Fellow Inebriates” for my new friends)! OMG!!!!

You guys have no idea what you’ve signed on for. Wait till you get your horoscope tomorrow. 🙂


Tag! You’re it. You’re its. All 11 of you.

My Fellow Inebriates,

As depicted by Miss P (and in reality) I have, at most, two brain cells. So when Clip Snark, of whom I’m a big fan, tagged me with this little game I told myself to remember it and then promptly forgot.

It’s not an award, although it does come with a graphic reminiscent of certain other chain-letter-style awards. Cool enough for me, Snarky.

Besides, my parents haven’t opened any bottles lately. I have nothing to review. 😦

So here are the rules:

  • Post the rules (okay, here)
  • Answer the questions (sure)
  • Create 11 new questions (nah, these ones are good enough…except one…guess which)
  • Tag 11 people with a link to your post (this is a good day to do this; I’m sober—AGONIZINGLY SOBER)
  • Let them know you’ve tagged them (well, they’ll see the click, I bet—but I’ll try)


  1. Do you have a test or tests that help you judge someone’s character? Uh, no. I gravitate to drunken, apocalyptic types, but I don’t have any criteria they have to meet. If someone can be with me and not beat the hell out of me, they’re usually okay.
  2. When did you first feel like a grown-up? When my parents gave me this bear-sized bottle of mescal I thought I was on my way. But then they wouldn’t open it. Ever.
  3. What is something you read that made you wish you could write that well? Check this out.
  4. What do you say when you answer the phone? The what? I’ve never thought of answering the phone.
  5. Have you ever stiffed someone on a tip? My parents have never taken me to a bar (I could ride in a purse, damn it). And I don’t really do solids, so I’ve never had a restaurant meal. But if I did, I would leave a huge tip. Massive.
  6. Do you have a favorite writing utensil? No. I don’t like utensils; they are generally out to get me. What the world needs is a line of utensils that don’t require opposable thumbs.
  7. Do you use a calendar? For what?
  8. Do you have road rage? No. I don’t have ‘roid rage either.
  9. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Neither; I’m drunk at both ends.
  10. What surprised you about blogging when you first started? That I continued.
  11. If you could drink anything at all, what would you choose? Shiraz.

Okay, on to 11 lucky bloggers…


The Waiting

Momma’s Money Matters


Rant and Roll

Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems: Reno Division


Becoming Cliché

I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown

Awkward Laughter 



“Versatile”? Don’t you mean “random”?

My Fellow Inebriates,

I’ve been avoiding something.

It’s not like there aren’t plenty of things I avoid. Responsibility, work, paying for things, sobriety—avoidance is pretty much my M.O. But when you start avoiding good things, you have to ask yourself why.

Case in point: The Versatile Blogger Award.

Astonishingly, I’ve been tapped twice for this honor—first by Emily (The Waiting) and next by Red (Momma’s Money Matters). My embarrassed thanks to them both. I hope they’ll forgive me if I accuse them of confusing versatility with randomness 😉

Understanding this award and how it works didn’t come easily to me despite clear instructions and encouragement from these terrific writers. I’ve simply been too drunk, but I think I finally get what I need to do:

  • Accept the award (humbly, gratefully)
  • Bore you with seven facts about my furry self
  • Share the love with 15 of my favorite bloggers
  • Tell them about it

First. I’ve proudly posted the award on my front page. Yay! It feels good to look at it. Maybe I’ll get inspired to turn my life around, crawl out of the bottle, find some normalcy. LOL.

Second. Just the facts, bear.

  1. My retail price was $5. It was a charity deal: buy two bears for $10—one goes to charity, one goes home with the customer. I went home with the customer. I shudder to think where my drunken twin went. Probably gutting it out with teetotalers somewhere.
  2. I live with two little girls, age 4 and 6. They love me, but thankfully they love puppies and ponies more. This is what has spared me from the Maytag and the sewing needle (so far).
  3. Whenever the family vacations, I go too, along with one other bear. Sometimes we cause trouble because the people we visit are bothered by our constant presence at the breakfast table, in front of the TV, etc. One of us caused a fight once by giving a relative the finger.
  4. I’m addicted to an online game called Wrestler Unstoppable. My avatar is called “LB the Alcoholic Bear.” He does okay, depending on his fur-alcohol level.
  5. Despite considerable effort, I can’t find my junk. I know it must be somewhere under my fur, because I doubt I’d find Dolly quite so intriguing otherwise, but nothing’s turned up, and Dolly says she’s not helping any more.
  6. My dad runs an audio-visual business and my mum’s an editor. They are totally boring.
  7. I get upset when I hear about drinking and driving.

Third. Now that the factoids are out of the way, here’s to my much more accomplished peers.

The Waiting: The Joys and Toils of Growing a Baby. Not just your average mommy blog, this site bubbles with ear-to-the-ground culture. Worth seeing for Nyan Cat, but then there’s so much more…

Momma’s Money Matters: Money and Parenting Advice from a Momma of Ten. Daunting on two accounts, this blog tackles things that would otherwise be incomprehensible to me—money and parenting. If only Red could see our bookkeeping…

Yoyo-Dyne Propulsion Systems: Reno Division—Fear and Loathing in Reno. Versatile with a capital V, this humorous site is an intelligent oasis, and never afraid to be dark.

The Bloggess. Can I include this one? If I can’t, well, blame the booze. Post a tagline like “For the love of God. Let my vagina sleep” and I’ll read it. For sure. But she looks like she could kill me.

Taylor's Dan Lacey painting?

It’s Taylor Made: No Refunds Accepted. I suspect Taylor outbid me on a Dan Lacey painting I desperately wanted. Big points for art appreciation.

Good Spirits News: The world of spirits & cocktails in the news. Comprehensive and professional, this is my go-to for thorough, insightful booze reviews.

On My Square: Trying to figure life out…and keep confusion down. Real life, real humanity, real humor. Impossible to read this and not care deeply.

Snide Reply: Where I Talk Back to Life. Satisfying, well-crafted writing about parenting.

Eldon: We Specialize in Awkward. Poignant yet hilarious and strikingly honest.

Okay, so I’m halfway there. My typist is disappearing to take the kids to a playdate, which means it’s time to tackle the corkscrew again. Maybe this time I can manage it…