My Fellow Inebriates,
I’ve been avoiding something.
It’s not like there aren’t plenty of things I avoid. Responsibility, work, paying for things, sobriety—avoidance is pretty much my M.O. But when you start avoiding good things, you have to ask yourself why.
Astonishingly, I’ve been tapped twice for this honor—first by Emily (The Waiting) and next by Red (Momma’s Money Matters). My embarrassed thanks to them both. I hope they’ll forgive me if I accuse them of confusing versatility with randomness 😉
Understanding this award and how it works didn’t come easily to me despite clear instructions and encouragement from these terrific writers. I’ve simply been too drunk, but I think I finally get what I need to do:
- Accept the award (humbly, gratefully)
- Bore you with seven facts about my furry self
- Share the love with 15 of my favorite bloggers
- Tell them about it
First. I’ve proudly posted the award on my front page. Yay! It feels good to look at it. Maybe I’ll get inspired to turn my life around, crawl out of the bottle, find some normalcy. LOL.
Second. Just the facts, bear.
- My retail price was $5. It was a charity deal: buy two bears for $10—one goes to charity, one goes home with the customer. I went home with the customer. I shudder to think where my drunken twin went. Probably gutting it out with teetotalers somewhere.
- I live with two little girls, age 4 and 6. They love me, but thankfully they love puppies and ponies more. This is what has spared me from the Maytag and the sewing needle (so far).
- Whenever the family vacations, I go too, along with one other bear. Sometimes we cause trouble because the people we visit are bothered by our constant presence at the breakfast table, in front of the TV, etc. One of us caused a fight once by giving a relative the finger.
- I’m addicted to an online game called Wrestler Unstoppable. My avatar is called “LB the Alcoholic Bear.” He does okay, depending on his fur-alcohol level.
- Despite considerable effort, I can’t find my junk. I know it must be somewhere under my fur, because I doubt I’d find Dolly quite so intriguing otherwise, but nothing’s turned up, and Dolly says she’s not helping any more.
- My dad runs an audio-visual business and my mum’s an editor. They are totally boring.
- I get upset when I hear about drinking and driving.
Third. Now that the factoids are out of the way, here’s to my much more accomplished peers.
Momma’s Money Matters: Money and Parenting Advice from a Momma of Ten. Daunting on two accounts, this blog tackles things that would otherwise be incomprehensible to me—money and parenting. If only Red could see our bookkeeping…
Yoyo-Dyne Propulsion Systems: Reno Division—Fear and Loathing in Reno. Versatile with a capital V, this humorous site is an intelligent oasis, and never afraid to be dark.
The Bloggess. Can I include this one? If I can’t, well, blame the booze. Post a tagline like “For the love of God. Let my vagina sleep” and I’ll read it. For sure. But she looks like she could kill me.
It’s Taylor Made: No Refunds Accepted. I suspect Taylor outbid me on a Dan Lacey painting I desperately wanted. Big points for art appreciation.
Good Spirits News: The world of spirits & cocktails in the news. Comprehensive and professional, this is my go-to for thorough, insightful booze reviews.
On My Square: Trying to figure life out…and keep confusion down. Real life, real humanity, real humor. Impossible to read this and not care deeply.
Snide Reply: Where I Talk Back to Life. Satisfying, well-crafted writing about parenting.
Eldon: We Specialize in Awkward. Poignant yet hilarious and strikingly honest.
Okay, so I’m halfway there. My typist is disappearing to take the kids to a playdate, which means it’s time to tackle the corkscrew again. Maybe this time I can manage it…