vanilla

The frosty summer recipe you can’t live without

My fellow inebriates,

Sometime ago I tweeted to Wendy’s, urging them to bring back the vanilla frosty. They had eliminated it for no obvious reason, although I suspected COVID-19 had reduced demand, rendering two oozing machines excessive.

You may think alcoholic bears don’t like ice cream (or ice cream facsimiles). But as I explained to Wendy’s in my tweet, I like to put Crown Royal in a vanilla frosty. And it just has to be vanilla, because chocolate is distracting.

Well, today I learned that Wendy’s was listening! My fellow inebriates, it was so gratifying to know that they took my tweet to heart. They brought back the vanilla frosty, and now I feel heard, seen, and valued.

So, my fellow inebriates, now you can do it too! Here’s how:

  • You need a mickey or a flask of Crown Royal. Most Wendy’s restaurants will not let you open-carry your booze, so be discreet.
  • Order a frosty! They’re 99 cents right now.
  • Scoop out some of the ice cream (or facsimile). Give it to a small child—or even a nasty teenager if that’s who accompanied you to Wendy’s.
  • Now that you’ve made space, pour your Crown Royal in. Stir it up! I like a 2:1 Crown-to-frosty ratio, but you may prefer just a taste… say, 1–2 tbsp (what I call a breakfast frosty).
  • Drink the rest of your mickey or flask.
  • If the teenager is 16+, let them drive home.        

What do YOU like to put in your frosty? If you’ve tried something besides Crown Royal (tequila? rum?) tell me all about it! Drop me a line.

The flavoring that almost got me skinned

My fellow inebriates,

I got caught trying to get the vanilla extract bottle open today. I thought it would be an inexpensive alternative to the zero booze we currently have in our house—it’s 35 or 40 percent alcohol, so I thought: Why not? cheap substitute, right?

Wrong!

My mother almost skinned me alive when she saw me with the vanilla. Apparently that teeny tiny bottle we have in our cupboard is worth almost 20 bucks!

Vanilla

$18.49 at our local grocery store

Vanilla prices have tripled in the last three years because supply is way down. Between 2005 and 2014 it was so overabundant that farmers in tropical countries burned down their vanilla vines to make way for other crops. The upshot is a vanilla shortage that’s hitting everybody’s pocketbooks.

So, my bad. It’s not like I managed to get the bottle open anyway, with my nubby little paws. And Miss V, who has sampled the vanilla, says it tastes more horrible than almost anything, so oh well.

Scarybear and Blackie Bear are a bit concerned about the cookie situation though.

Stay tuned as I hunt for more alcohol substitutes, my friends.