humor

What to do with the rest of that zombie pig

My two brain cells subscribe to the Big Think newsletter and today they learned that scientists have successfully re-animated the brains of dead pigs. By using heaters, pumps and artificial blood, a scientific team from Yale University managed to restore partial brain function to the brains of more than 100 recently beheaded pigs.

PIg

WTF, man?

My fellow inebriates, I only have partial brain function! These zombie pigs are probably having much more complex thoughts than yours truly. Like: Wait a sec, I was going through this tunnel toward a bright light, and WTF, man, now I’m a brain in a box?

There are probably a bunch of ethical questions we should be asking. For me, the main question is: What should we do with the rest of the pig?

Betty Crocker says we should make Bacon Infused Vodka. All you need is 2 tbsp. bacon fat (zombie or regular), a 375-mL bottle of vodka and a mason jar. Shake it up, let it sit for 6 hours, then freeze. Then use a cheesecloth (I don’t know what that is so I’ll use one of my dad’s socks), and there you have it!

Bacon vodka

Not gross at all. Photo: Betty Crocker

MFI, I hope you’ll try this and tell me all about it. Apparently there are a lot headless pigs out there that you can use, so get busy!

The t-shirt that truly sums up who you are

My fellow inebriates!

A small announcement.

For a few years I’ve been struggling to get some merchandise happening. Not that you’ll want it—you’d best save your money for beer, wine and vodka—but if you have any left over and it’s not earmarked for the mortgage, check out the new LB merch!

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Yes! Liquorstore Bear has teamed up with WreckSpex, the premier purveyor of affordable designer sunglasses, to produce these AWESOME astrological t-shirts. They feature abusive zodiac-related messaging about YOUR star sign, key advice about WHAT YOU SHOULD DRINK, and other non-life-affirming nonsense related to excessive alcohol consumption. You should totally buy one!

My thanks to WreckSpex, whose mission is to provide the best sunglasses in the coolest varieties at the most awesome prices! WreckSpex has partnered with yours truly to make LB swag available to everyone! They are awesome, they sell the best sunglasses, and you should get some today!

Over my DEAD mangy bearskin hide!

My fellow inebriates,

As you know, I have a deep and abiding love for Broker’s Gin and its most admirable Business Development Manager Julia Gale. Why, just yesterday morning I suggested we pour ourselves a gin & tonic for breakfast, only to have the idea shot down peremptorily by my killjoy parents. I imagine Julia, eight hours ahead of us in England, agreeing with me that it was not too early for gin, particularly given the daily, intense drama that surrounds the process of urging V out of bed and onward to school.

My conviction that Julia Gale and the chaps at Broker’s have my back and support all my hopes and dreams is what shocks me so intensely about THIS photo from my Twitter feed:

Broker's Gin on possibly bearskin rug OMG

OMG, right?

Is that really…?

Could it be…?

Is that a BEARSKIN RUG?

WreckSpex Zebra wood