My Fellow Inebriates,

My mum has unequivocally entered her mid-40s. Check out the gift I wanted to get her but didn’t actually get around to buying:

Four shot glasses. Because she’s 44.

Now you may think 44 is old, and I’d agree with you, but my mother was characteristically touchy about it.

ME: “So, what are we toasting with?”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work.”

ME: “I mean later.”

MUM: “Nothing, I have to work all day.”

ME: “To earn money for liquor?”

Silence.

ME: “Or to earn money for some weird-ass endangered-animal secretion that you can smooth on your saggy skin?”

…

MUM: “I know of only one endangered animal. And its secretions are odious.”

OMG!