3 reasons NOT to make hand sanitizer with vodka

My fellow inebriates,

It’s come to my attention that people are using vodka to make hand sanitizer.

This appalling waste of good liquor has prompted me to end my hiatus and tackle some rampant myths.

  1. “The stores are out of hand sanitizer, so I need to buy it on Amazon for $400 or make my own.”

Wrong. Purell has stepped up production. Soon you’ll have all the hand sanitizer you want.

Purell Twitter - Mar 11, 2020

But it’s still not as effective as washing your hands with soap.

  1. “Hand sanitizer is the best thing for killing viruses such as COVID-19.”

Wrong. Hand sanitizer is for situations where soap and water aren’t available or convenient. The Center for Disease Control recommends washing with soap because it’s more effective.

  1. “I feel like I need hand sanitizer anyway, so I’m going to make my own with vodka.”

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. For one thing, hand sanitizer is made with a solution of at least 60% alcohol, and as my parents have reminded me many times, it’s not the drinking kind. The higher the alcohol percentage, the more effective hand sanitizer is – which means your 80-proof vodka isn’t going to cut it. Better save that Grey Goose and its yummy 40% alcohol for a martini.

summer_cocktail-wallpaper-1440x900.jpg

So that’s my public service for today, my fellow inebriates. Don’t waste your vodka, and wash your hands. Of course, that’s useless advice for me, a furry bear. I’m going to stop “Purell tasting” and make myself scarce before my mum puts me in the washing machine.

FEENEY’S IRISH CREAM—For breakfast, while being watched

My fellow inebriates,

I promised you a sob story revealing why my typists (aka Mum and Dad) have left me to twiddle my thumbless paws for over a year now while my blog wallows in the lowest reader stats it’s ever seen.

But then I had breakfast (aka FEENEY’S IRISH CREAM), which had been lurking in the back of the fridge since Christmas. Obviously my mum was the last tippler, because the top was barely on (she has no idea how to close anything; either it’s barely on or it’s hopelessly misthreaded and you have to bash it against the sink to get it open). Anyway, it was my mum’s incompetence that enabled my miraculous Feeney’s breakfast.

An odd breakfast, you say?

feeneys-2You wouldn’t say that if it was in a morning coffee on New Year’s Day, would you? Then it would be okay. Or if you were camping. If you’re camping anything goes! To further make my case, I had no idea what date it was today. For all I knew, it could have been New Year’s Day. I don’t pay attention to calendars. So I slipped the top off the Feeney’s, inserted a straw, and…OMG, my fellow inebriates, what a yummy breakfast! You have to try this, people. Never mind what day it is. I suggest doing it just because it’s a day.

A 750mL bottle of Feeney’s sells at our local booze store for $20.99. That’s $6 less than the more famous Bailey’s Original Irish Cream. So how does it compare?

If you ask my dad, who immediately noted the price difference, he’ll say Feeney’s has nothing on Bailey’s. Ask my mum, presumably responsible for the half-bottle’s worth missing before I discovered it for breakfast, and she’ll say it’s practically identical. Made with cream and aged Irish whisky, Feeney’s is rich and luxurious, smooth and slightly chocolatey. Perhaps it tastes different (better?) than Bailey’s—but who knows? I’d have to urge my parents to buy both at once, and that’s about as likely as an asteroid hitting the house. Nope, the holiday season is over, and we probably won’t see either beverage until next winter.

2016-12-17-09-41-57Totally aside, but just to give you a small update of what’s been going on at LBHQ, while I consumed my delicious Feeney’s breakfast, I was observed by GERBILS. Yes, for the past 13 months, gerbils have been living with us. They reside in a gigantic glass tank in the dining room. At first I was afraid they would make similar fridge forays to mine and finish off the booze before I could, but then I realized they’re confined to their tank. My dad says they don’t feel confined because the tank is huge, but hey—who knows what they’re thinking? (Except Miss V, who can channel them.)

To be frank, I’m a little jealous of them, because when we first got them my mum said: “Wow, it’s great having animals in the house. They’re so animated, aren’t they, LB?”

And then she said to the kids, “Make sure you never put LB in the gerbil tank. If you do, they’ll chew him up in no time flat.”

OMG!!!

Hair of the Bear

8:00 a.m. today

Me: “Clearly, it’s time for the hair of the bear.”

My dad: “I can’t think of anything I want in my mouth less.”