5 things booze stores are doing to stop COVID-19 spread

My fellow inebriates,

My local booze store has responded to the COVID-19 outbreak. In the interests of news/health literacy, my friend Scarybear and I are sharing our respective interpretations of the store’s announcement.

(In case you’ve forgotten who Scarybear is, he’s my apocalyptic housemate. He tends to focus on asteroids hits and gamma rays when he’s contemplating the End of All Things, but he also loves a good pandemic.)

C2014 What my booze store says

 

They’re going to clean more frequently and disinfect customer-facing areas and equipment.

 

 

C2014 What LB says

 

Good. I won’t get sticky when I shop there.

 

 

C2014 what scary says

 

It’s too late. You humans are all going to get it. Luckily for us bears, we’re already riddled with germs. COVID-19 won’t make a dent.

 

 

C2014 What my booze store says

 

They’re going to make their employees wash their hands more often.

 

 

 

C2014 What LB says

 

Good. Although it feels like we all kind of knew about hand-washing already.

 

 

C2014 what scary says

 

You have to recite the intro to Star Trek while you do it. That’s the ONLY way to ensure you wash for long enough.

 

 

C2014 What my booze store says

 

They’re cancelling training and meetings for employees.

 

 

 

C2014 What LB says

 

OMG. Much of their training is booze-tasting. That’s going to suck for them. This pandemic is making me feel… empathy.

 

 

C2014 what scary says

 

They just don’t want them to talk to each other and figure out what’s really going on.

 

 

C2014 What my booze store says

 

They’re going to make customers respect each other’s space.

 

 

 

C2014 What LB says

 

But I like cuddling.

 

 

C2014 what scary says

 

I like to eat people sometimes.

 

 

C2014 What my booze store says

 

They’ll let customers wear masks in the store, but they might ask people to remove them if they’re checking ID.

 

 

C2014 What LB says

 

Sounds fair. Gotta check for coronavirus-fearing teenagers.

 

 

C2014 what scary says

And liquor store robbers. It’s the slippery slope to mass surveillance. That’s what happens when you manufacture something like COVID-19 in a lab and slip it to the public. Authoritarian regimes have a heyday. COVID-19 is mild, too, so you can consider it a dress rehearsal for the government-sponsored zombie apocalypse.

 

Scary had more to say, but I told him I was implementing a word count for this blog post. He said that was fine, I was lucky he even bothered, and that I’m an idiot. Then he went back to watching Alex Jones.

What's your poison? Drop me a line.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s