LAGUNITAS LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD ALE—Bend over

My Fellow Inebriates,

As annoyed I am that no drinking is occurring at LBHQ these days, Scarybear is even madder. Not that he gives a rat’s ass whether we have any beer in the house. His big gripe is the lack of cake at (or since) my mum’s birthday last week. Nobody even thought of cake; that’s how busy they are. And Scary lives for cake.

He also lives for TV, and yesterday my dad decided to put our plasma out to pasture. As he took it off the bracket, Scary’s funk became even more funereal than it had been for Glen Bear (whom V says “might be in the stuffie box” at kindergarten—but will she ever remember to check?). And we know who broke the TV.

"You've just crossed over into the Fluffy Zone."

“You’ve just crossed over into the Fluffy Zone.”

This is what Sylvia Browne says about the whole thing.

Sylvia Browne auto reply

OMG, Sylvia Browne called me a “customer.” Sylvia Browne won’t solve the Fluffy problem unless we send her some cash.

Sylvia Browne pic

But Sylvia Browne predicted that Mitt Romney would win the 2012 US election. Why would I trust her to tell me why/how Fluffy broke the dishwasher, clogged the toilet, made the air too cold at LBHQ, possibly disposed of Glen Bear (unless Carnivorous Duck ate him), and zapped Scary’s beloved plasma TV with his mind??

57912I wouldn’t even trust Sylvia Browne to review a bottle of LAGUNITAS LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD ALE. She’d never, even on her wildest predictive run, guess that it weighs in at 72.5 IBU and 8.8% alcohol. This shit is hoppy with a capital H. If you like beers that beat you up, LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD is for you. But Sylvia Browne would never know that, because she probably never even predicted the Twinkie’s demise.

Incidentally, we have Twinkies up here in Canada. They are on the shelves at Walmart the way they always have been, with their zillion ingredients and infinitesimal vitamin profile. They do not seem to be an obsession here, unlike the apostrophe-less Tim Hortons coffee, which is crappier than all the Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Cupcakes the Hostess factory can spew out on its very worst day.

But why would you have a weak, acidic Timmy coffee when you can have a hop-thrashingly strong ale from Lagunitas Brewing Co.? It pours a golden hue with a coarse, clingy head. From the get-go it assaults you with citrusey, piney, earwaxy hops and a honey-nut pulse behind. Those fumes don’t lie, my fellow inebriates, LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD packs a wallop. You get spice, pine, grapefruit, and biscuit in gratuitous lashings. Bend over as it kicks your ass; it is a surly item with a crisp yet creamy mouthfeel and plenty more punches where the first ones came from—which is to say, it will stick around in your mouth.

The verdict? Let Scary eat cake, and let Fluffy duel Sylvia Browne on PPV. Let me have LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD—preferably for breakfast.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “LAGUNITAS LITTLE SUMPIN’ WILD ALE—Bend over”

  1. beerbecue says :

    Finally, you reviewed a beer I’ve had! The Haybag and I like this one even better than Little Sumpin Sumpin. The Westmalle yeast gives it a nice Belgian yeast character, and Lagunitas definitely knows hops. Glad you were down with this one, I was wondering if LB’s hop cojones could handle it. 🙂

    And if that lady is psychic, why doesn’t she know your name isn’t “valued visitor”. Must have been an intern that replied…

    • liquorstorebear says :

      I didn’t think the Haybag would like that one. It is very hoppy. I don’t know what it would Sumpin would do to Sylvia Browne; it might carve her out a proper Third Eye and then she’d be more useful to the general public.

  2. Emily @ The Waiting says :

    Can you believe I had never heard of Tim Hortons until about 5 months ago?

    • liquorstorebear says :

      It’s not worth hearing about! I asked my dad why they can’t put an apostrophe in Tim Hortons and he said it would cost too much $ on all the signage…
      Tim Hortons would be a very logical pitstop after shopping at Walmart and before going to the gun range. With hair like Snooki’s.

What's your poison? Drop me a line.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: