Strawberry Shortcake Day? Is this, like, a thing?

My Fellow Inebriates,

I had no idea June 14 was Strawberry Shortcake Day until I looked at the stats today and saw that 53 people had found me via that search term. (Of course they would have been annoyed to find a not-so-PG-rated FRÜLI review, but oh well.)

Thankfully Strawberry Shortcake isn’t especially popular at LBHQ. (Wish we could say the same for Wonder Pets.) Judging by the number of people who somehow find this (this!) site by questing after that sugary, insipid, fruit-obsessed character with the disproportionately large head, there are plenty of parents out there enduring a pre-K Strawberry Shortcake plague and evidently obliging their tots by typing it in as a search term.

She might actually be less tolerable than a Care Bear. One thing’s for sure: there are better uses for strawberries than ordinary shortcake. How about a Boozy Strawberry Shortcake?

Photo: Stephanie Diaz

Okay, so I’m not a big solids fan, but a dessert laced with cointreau is cause for exception. Let’s get started. Do you also have a four-year-old helping you? All right, then. You might want to take a belt of cointreau now rather than later.

Start with five to six strawberries. The ones they ship up to us from California are mutants the size of apples, so I’ll use five. You have to hull them and slice them, then soak them in 1 tbsp sugar and 2 tbsp cointreau.

This last bit must be a misprint—we’ll use 2 cups.

While these things are sitting, whip up some cream, adding some of the strawberry liquid. (Holy shit, that’s a lot of liquid if you follow my directions.)

Then you need to make the shortcake part, which involves a lot of measuring and kneading and baking, etc. Maybe we’ll leave this part out.

Depending on how drunk you are, assembly may or may not challenge you. There are three things to layer, two of which are supposed to be solid. If you’ve been liberal with the cointreau and jettisoned the shortcake step, you won’t be able to layer this while sober, never mind sky-high drunk like yours truly.

So just throw all those cointreau-soaked strawberries into the whipped cream and enjoy. Happy Strawberry Shortcake Day 🙂

And if you don’t have a four-year-old to impress, just cut to the chase with a Strawberry Shortcake Martini.

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