My Fellow Inebriates,

It’s a no-brainer to write about pancakes today. My mum is whipping some questionable ones up right now for the kids and probably asking herself if she could get away with feeding them pancakes all day instead of stepping up and providing the nutritional diversity that parents typically do.

Solid foods don’t do it for me, but syrup is another story—when it contains rum. Here’s what my mum isn’t doing for the kids this morning (just in case Child Services is reading this):

• Pancakes (you know, throw a bunch of flour, milk and stuff together)
• 2 cups maple syrup (we just have the fake stuff but it will work)
• ¼ butter
• ¼ rum

Melt the butter in a saucepan. Add the syrup and stir until the mixture is hot. Then [IMPORANT] remove from heat BEFORE adding the rum. You do NOT want any alcohol to burn off.

In fact, if you are concerned about alcohol burning off, you should add MORE rum.

In fact, if you are REALLY concerned about alcohol burning off, you should forgo the syrup/butter step and just POUR RUM on your pancakes.

And if you are EVEN MORE concerned about alcohol burning off, you should just forget about the pancakes and drink the rum. While contemplating some art.

By Dan Lacey: Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford wrestle nude, on a pancake