To better days

My Fellow Inebriates,

I don’t know what was more evil yesterday:

  1. Watching Rick Perry conflate gay bashing with Christian values in under 30 seconds
  2. Seeing my coveted painting climb at ebay auction
  3. Learning that Santa’s pretend

Okay, I know, the first one’s the worst. Sure, I live in Canada, but here in the Great White North we often have a justifiably paranoid sense of piggybacking on American values, and when a stupid tool like Perry starts spouting off, I worry that at least some of my compatriots are nodding their heads in agreement.

Werewolf perhaps. Douchebag certainly.

Nice to see: Perry’s “Strong” spot netted him over 440,000 “dislikes” on YouTube. As for his 10,000+ “likes,” all I can do is raise a toast to rednecks. Too bad my dad won’t buy me any Bud.

Artist: Dan Lacey

The second item is becoming a minor personal tragedy. Somebody wants my objet d’art very badly, but I’m just a small, underfunded bear—I can’t compete with a bid like $38. As transported as I am by that painting, the alcoholic in me is automatically calculating how many bottles of wine it’s worth. Not to mention my dad said that if I used his PayPal account he would put me in the washing machine.

The third thing was just gonna happen, I guess. But seriously, how could I have known Santa wasn’t real? I mean, Canada Post delivers our letters to him, elves write back to us, NORAD tracks him for pete’s sake. Fine, I’m a naïve animal, but I didn’t expect my parents to be the dickheads who dropped the bomb.

Ample reasons, I think, to kick off the day with Smirnoff. I’m making a Salty Dog*: 2 oz each of vodka and grapefruit juice plus 2 tsp of salt. Yeah! Here’s to better days.

*substituting Malibu for vodka

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , ,

4 responses to “To better days”

  1. Rachael Black says :

    My condolences Bear. My daughter was equally tearful/crushed and pissed off at me when the Santa thing came out. I blame the evil little bastards in her class way back when.

    Cocktail sounds tasty. Being here in northern Nevada it’s 18F outside right now, and still before noon. Am toasting to a fine friend with the brains to know that Perry is a bigoted loon. -raises cup of Sumatra, freshly ground and brewed, with two shots of Baily’s-

    • liquorstorebear says :

      Gee, I hadn’t even thought about the kids. But they’re in for some disappointment anyway, because I’m making some headway with my parents…getting them to spend all the xmas $ on liquor instead of toys. Wish me luck. I do like the kids, but…well, they won’t remember in 20 years anyway.
      Cheers! Lifting my desperately imagined Bailey’s coffee to you.

  2. itstaylormade says :

    I think I bid like $953.

    What? The shipping is a bitch.

What's your poison? Drop me a line.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: