humor

AYINGERBRAU D. PILS EXTRA STRONG LAGER

I love when friends send me tasting notes, especially since I’ve been a bit melancholy because there’s nothing around for me personally to taste. After learning of Ayingerbrau I certainly want to snag some, although that might be a feat here in Canada. I also heard that this beer has been retired…anybody know anything about that? Stevie O says:

Photo: Robert Gale

The Murenger in NEWPORT, SOUTH WALES has been around since 1530. The beer served over the bar is made by the Samuel Smith Brewery who are originating from England but we don’t hold that against them. Their beer is vegan friendly. The original well at the Old Brewery, sunk in 1758, is still in use. The brewing water for the ales and stouts is drawn from 85 feet underground.

Ayingerbrau D. Pils Lager 5.90 is available over the bar and is strong tasting and refreshing. Be warned that this is a creeper and before you know it you’re trying to eat a burger whilst the police load you in the riot van 😦

I can only really vouch for the Pils but would recommend the various types they produce to everyone.

Cheers dudes 🙂 hic

 Wow!

First of all, nothing in my neighborhood has been around since 1530. There’s a big Walmart nearby where the famous People of Walmart shop, as well as Costco and Best Buy and…absolutely nothing like the Murenger. Everything here is spanky-new-till-it-falls-apart, not venerable and redolent of history. Man, Stevie O, you are one lucky dude.

Being completely ignorant of whatever Wales and England feel for each other, I just feel happy to know that beer drinking crosses all borders and boundaries. Alcohol is truly about bonding.

Are there any vegan serial killers? I only ask because I couldn’t find an actual photo of Stevie O to insert my pic into, and so I used one of Dexter Morgan instead. I used to become very anxious watching Dexter and had to stop, I think because I identified so strongly with him as just a super person but kept getting really freaked out by his sister (and then he married her, OMG). When I finished this highly realistic Photoshop project, I almost hyperventilated because I thought it was real and that I was being clutched by a dead guy whose hand must have locked around me in rigor mortis.

There’s no Ayingerbrau to be had at my booze store, so I’m relying on Stevie’s tastebuds. I love strong-tasting and refreshing beers, and I especially like creepers, although someone once called me one and I think they were using the word differently. I would like to see some pics of Stevie getting loaded into the riot van, mainly because then I would know what he actually looks like.

Wanting to be thorough I googled the beer for a few tasting notes and learned that people drink it mainly to get pissed. They describe it as chemical and metallic but nevertheless feel a deep fondness for it. Ahhh, where can I get some?

No brains, please, I’m trying to quit

I happened upon my mum cutting up what looked like brains for supper. She said that if I weren’t so preoccupied with liquor I wouldn’t have been so shocked, because cauliflower is quite a familiar vegetable to most people.

There isn’t really any reason for me to know about cauliflower. It looks disgusting, I don’t think even wild bears eat it, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t factor into any known cocktails. But just to be sure, I checked with Drinks Mixer.

I love Drinks Mixer. It’s the most all-powerful, comprehensive booze resource I’ve ever encountered. Their Drinks Widget, which unfortunately doesn’t yet work with my site (although they’re working on that problem) can find you any drink, based on name or ingredients; you just have to type it in and hey presto, you get a bartending how-to. I love love love love LOVE Drinks Mixer.

My dad says I lack one of these.

And what I loved most about it today was that when I entered “cauliflower,” into an ingredient search, it gave me nothing. Nothing! Cauliflower has no business in any drink. In fact, it has no business existing. It looks like brains.

ASTROLIQUOR for Nov. 18-24

My Fellow Inebriates,

Here’s your booze horoscope:

Get ready to work really hard this week, Aries. You’re feeling industrious, and your ass is feeling cold, so warm it up with some mulled wine:

  • 4 cups madeira
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • Juice of one lemon
  • Orange peel from one orange
  • 6 cloves
  • Cinnamon stick
  • 1/2 cup Grand Marnier

Heat the first six ingredients in a saucepan, then let cook gently on low for ten minutes. Ready? Add the Grand Marnier. Work hard and perfect it so you can leave some out for Santa next month.

Kick back, Taurus, relax and get loaded. You’re a natural glutton, so throw some nice high-cal liqueurs together and jettison the guilt. Try Kahlua, Irish whiskey and Bailey’s in equal parts—ice is optional.

You’re all wired up with too much energy, Gemini. Slow your brain down with some shooters: equal parts Irish cream liqueur, butternut schnapps and Fireball.

If you hit the bars this week, Cancer, you need some reconnaissance. Know where the bathrooms are and make sure you have a drinking buddy. I like vanilla Stolichnaya for you, but mix it with some Mountain Dew so you don’t get too shitfaced.

This is a good time to blow your paycheck on booze, Leo. When you’re generous, you’re generous, so go all-out, hit the bar and buy everyone a Hypnotiq shot with Sprite.

Virgo, your willingness to confide everything to others could get you in trouble this week. Liquor won’t help, but have some anyway.  Try mixing several varieties of rum with some sugar and lime.

You can’t go around in skid-marked underwear, Libra. Take responsibility for your actions and drink more slowly. This means mixing your vodka with juice. Try grape juice or lemonade.

Everybody wants a piece of you, Scorpio, so you need a gross-out drink that no one will want to share. Hmmm…have you ever mixed creme de cacao with raspberry vodka and Grand Marnier? Give it a shot and see if it keeps people away.

Sagittarius, I’m thinking Jim Beam for you this week, but only if you mix it with tequila. You’re really good at making a good first impression, but then you become an annoying drunk, so keep it moving and don’t stay in any one bar too long.

It’s time to jettison logic and rationality, Capricorn. That fits right in with copious alcohol consumption, and I see you loading up on Stolichnaya vodka in a 2:1 ration with Jagermeister. It’ll make you hairy all over, which I don’t mind at all.

Failure is getting to you, Aquarius, so grab some booze and start networking. You need Vodka, and not the cheap stuff. Get your contacts drinking martinis and the promotion will be yours.

Pisces, you’re broke and in the gutter again—oh no! Take it easy and lie low while you make a plan. This is the time to economize with some mainstream beer.