My Fellow Inebriates,

My mum is so old that she can remember when Advent meant giving up treats, being very quiet, and going to church every day instead of once a week. Back then you didn’t get a chocolate-filled Hello Kitty Advent calendar like Miss V’s…you practically had to wear a hairshirt, or at least endure your kid brother screaming while being yanked out from under the kneeling pad in the St. Jude’s pew, then listen to your mum explain that she couldn’t give him a mint to keep him quiet because it was Advent.

So thank goodness for modern excess and the myriad Advent calendars that demonstrate the season is not about solemnity and patience and sacrifice, but rather about treating yourself every day until the Big Day when you get to be a total drunk/glutton/hedonist. Thank you marketers everywhere for repositioning Advent in the public mind. Here’s the Advent calendar I want: