bear

Grouse grizzlies kill black bear cub

 

Yikes, people, looks like the bears on the mountain need to mellow out. My pal Blackie Bear could have been this bear cub, if he weren’t sitting on the couch eating cookies.

I had no idea this happened! This is the kind of thing that happens while you’re passed out, an empty bottle of Trois Pisoles lying beside you along with some vague ambitions to review it later. What on earth?

My friend Scarybear is a grizzly and probably agrees that what happened was all natural. What do you think? Should I be worried that he’ll maul me to death?

Grouse grizzlies kill black bear cub.

Bears are where it’s at

Bourbon Bear-Ale Brothers Porter.

There’s something about bears and beer. Is it just the way the words get confused when you’re blasted? You tell me.

Dolly, Dolly…

My Fellow Inebriates,

I actually overheard the following as one of my parents left: “I’m just getting groceries, nothing else. If that batshit crazy bear wants anything, it’s out of luck.”

“It’s”!!

Well, of course I wanted things. I had a list. It’s pouring rain outside, and I had a really cozy idea: Kahlua and butterscotch schnapps stirred into hot milk. Yum, right?

Okay, so I’d personally leave out the milk, but the concoction as described above is a good idea.  It’s so warming and romantic, so good for curling up by the fire.

Admittedly it’s something I dreamt up to lure my girlfriend back to me.

You’re probably remembering I told you about Dolly, and that she doesn’t like being called my girlfriend. She’s all human, she insists, and has decided to curb whatever fetishistic desires led to these pictures:

But I can’t help wondering, couldn’t a tummyful of coffee/butterscotch liqueurs couple nicely with a brainful of alcohol to effect a reconciliation? How many drinks would it take for her to stop calling me “mangy,” “infantile,” and “paranoid”? …

I just asked her and she said ten. But how can I get my parents to do my liquor shopping?