My Fellow Inebriates,

I actually overheard the following as one of my parents left: “I’m just getting groceries, nothing else. If that batshit crazy bear wants anything, it’s out of luck.”

“It’s”!!

Well, of course I wanted things. I had a list. It’s pouring rain outside, and I had a really cozy idea: Kahlua and butterscotch schnapps stirred into hot milk. Yum, right?

Okay, so I’d personally leave out the milk, but the concoction as described above is a good idea.  It’s so warming and romantic, so good for curling up by the fire.

Admittedly it’s something I dreamt up to lure my girlfriend back to me.

You’re probably remembering I told you about Dolly, and that she doesn’t like being called my girlfriend. She’s all human, she insists, and has decided to curb whatever fetishistic desires led to these pictures:

I just asked her and she said ten. But how can I get my parents to do my liquor shopping?