ale

INDIA PALE ALE (Cannery Brewing Company)

The last of the beer trinity purchased earlier in the week, the Cannery Brewing Company’s INDIA PALE ALE promised to be the best of the bunch. At least, it promised me that, with its slightly higher alcohol content (6%). My parents, not big I.P.A. fans, were less hopeful, but that’s an aside. Cannery’s own website advised saving the I.P.A. for last (amber first, nut brown next, then I.P.A.), thus building the whole tasting experience toward a massive crescendo that I expected would leave me weak with joy.

And so it did, my fellow inebriates, but for reasons that bear explanation. Let’s start with the most obvious: I loved this beer. It was strong, hoppy and uncomplicated. With four hop varieties, it delivered the I.P.A. punch that fans appreciate—sultry bitterness with a fizzy snap. Yum!

But here’s the best part. My parents almost couldn’t stand it! Which obviously meant more for me. My dad actually bitched the whole time about this splendid I.P.A. He said it tasted like the white part of grapefruit, but without the fruitiness. He couldn’t decide whether it was bitter or sour, and with a few mouthfuls left he added honey to it as an experiment. This was very win-win for a bear like me, especially since he abandoned his concoction to my grateful tastebuds.

It's not pica if you're a poo-eating fly. It's just a yummy dinner.

My mum reported the I.P.A. tasted like elastic bands and earwax. This makes me suspect she has pica, that illness that compels people to eat weird things. I wanted to ask, What else have you been eating, mum—chalk? eye snot? Seriously, my parents do not have a clue how to taste liquor.

I liked this beer a lot, but not as much as the AMBER ALE, and not nearly as much as the NUT BROWN ALE—the best of the bunch for my money. It’s a classic I.P.A., but there are certainly better examples out there. Still, I enjoyed it enough to RECOMMEND buying the sampler threesome and having your own tasting. If only just to step outside your comfort zone.

TROIS PISTOLES Extra Strong Ale

My Fellow Inebriates,

The most discombobulating aspect of my drinking is the way the world continues to churn while I’m passed out. I wake up and all kinds of shit has happened, some of it not very good. Take, for instance, the radio report this morning about some grizzlies on Grouse Mountain killing a little black bear cub. Here’s the Province article.

Well, what was I doing while that was going on? There’s no question I was innocently getting sauced, with no thought to the plight of the little cub. My buddy Blackie Bear is such a cub, so of course I feel twinges on his behalf. It could have been any of his relatives getting mauled to death up there, and how would he have any idea? And what was he doing when that shit went down? Probably pigging out on cookies.

The sad event happened in October but for some reason the radio jumped on it today. Radio news is kind of like that—yesterday I heard a lengthy report about how to keep your Remembrance Day poppy attached, and by the end of “Movember” I’ll have heard my fair share of audio play-by-plays of radio talent getting themselves shaved. Dead air is the sacrilege of radio, as one of my mum’s crazy classmates once said a long time ago, and so it’s totally cool to report on all kinds of randomness.

Not that the grizzly killing wasn’t noteworthy, but it happened over a month ago, and I guess I would have liked the option to hide from my friend Scarybear, who happens to be a violent grizzly.

So, I’m sorry, little black bear cub, that I wasn’t paying attention when Grinder and Cola tore you apart after you wiggled under the fence of your enclosure. I was really inebriated at the time, and this is what I was drinking:

TROIS PISTOLES Extra Strong Ale (9%)

First off, with its almost wine-like alcohol content and fruity nose, I expected this beer to taste much stronger. As the bottle indicates with handy glyphs, it’s a sipper rather than a pounder, and definitely a beer for those Reidel stemless glasses, or even a brandy snifter.

Made in Quebec, TROIS PISTOLES is definitely channeling some Belgian sensibilities. Reminiscent of Kriek but with a peachy rather than a cherry flavour, TROIS PISTOLES pours a dark caramel colour with crisp carbonation and moderate lacing. From the first whiff it exudes stone-fruit smells: peach up front with plum behind.

If you’re a fan of Belgian-style beers with a fruity nose, I RECOMMEND this as a perfect example of that kind of brew done right. The scent is of fresh orchard, not artificiality, and the fruit is just sufficient that you’re aware of it with every sip, stopping well short of being cloying.

If you’re not a fan of fruitier beers, I still don’t believe you’ll be grossed out by TROIS PISTOLES, although you’ll probably want just one. I wanted many, but my dad bought only one, and since I am very small, it knocked me out cold.

BLACK WIDOW Mild Ale (Tin Whistle Brewing Company)

My Fellow Inebriates,

Between worrying about an asteroid bashing into the earth (tonight!) and trying to persuade my girl Dolly that bestiality is a victimless crime—especially when yours truly would certainly not contact PETA if she resumed our canoodling (not that I have any traction with PETA after attempting to rehydrate my Sea Monkeys™ with vodka)—I’ve gotten behind on my drinking.

This is mostly the fault of my parents and their lackadaisical attitude toward liquor shopping. I’ve actually given up on them, which is where my small readership comes in:

Psssst! If you have any liquor—if you have brewed any beer, fermented any wine, cooked up any moonshine—let’s talk. I’d be happy to review it, and odds are my review would be favorable. You see, I believe that all alcohol has value.

And while I’m waiting for the FedEx human to show up with a case of something delightfully brain-blurring, I’ll tell you about the one beer I did get my paws on yesterday: BLACK WIDOW Mile Ale, produced by the Tin Whistle Brewing Company.

I was initially disappointed to see an alcohol percentage of 5% on the bottle. I’d just enjoyed Tin Whistle’s superb KILLER BEE ale two days before and been thrilled at its 6%, and so I was inclined to stick with a winner, but instead my mum bought the BLACK WIDOW.

We poured it into Reidel stemless red wine glasses. (Why? All the better for experiencing the aromas of a well-crafted beer.) BLACK WIDOW wafts a strong, toasty barley aroma up front, underlaid with coffee, caramel and woody hops. It has a lingering, leathery-dry finish that reminded me of a good stout, but with more crispness. It was so flavorful that I cried real tears when it was finished.

I RECOMMEND acquiring a bottle of BLACK WIDOW just in case we all survive Armageddon tonight and end up needing a pick-me-up tomorrow.