alcohol

Hungover, anyone?

“The only foolproof way to avoid a hangover is to avoid drinking.”

I’m not even going bother to attribute this unrealistic advice to its source. Instead I’m going to share my friend Stevie O’s tasting notes on THREE beers he sampled recently:

Dude, I had TSINGTAO lager from China, SINGHA from Thailand and COBRA from India on the weekend.

  • TSINGTAO is full of flavour and a bit nutty. Real easy to drink and cuts through the grim of everyday life.
  • COBRA is a smooth affair and great with spicy food (tried with Mexican and worked really well).
  • The star of the show was the SINGHA from Thailand. Epic refreshing quality; the head is thick and sticks to the glass. Really mature; crisp taste with a herb-like dance on the tongue to finish. Hats off to SINGHA. GOOD STUFF.

I’m impressed with Stevie’s commitment to trying new beers. Some people, like my dad, gravitate to the same beer over and over. These people are boring. Stevie, on the other hand, is exploring exotic realms. I get the sense he needs a warm vacation. Right now it’s about 9°C in his homeland Wales, with rain in the near future—the very sort of fur-wetting weather we get subjected to here at LB HQ in Vancouver, BC. Perhaps Stevie’s foray into Asian beer hints of a need to get off his wet island. I know the feeling.

If you’ve been following me you know that this week has been devoted to tasting three beers. Unlike the non-stop party Stevie obviously had with his three beers, however, my tasting was a painfully rationed-out affair that stretched over the entire week. I wasn’t able to get properly drunk like Stevie O, who is apparently living my desired lifestyle.

But do I have a hangover? How could I, people? And I doubt Stevie had one either. Here’s why:

  • Good alcohol choice. Stevie stuck with one type of drink—beer, so his body didn’t have to shift gears and work harder to process different types of alcohol. Beer has the lowest percentage of alcohol too, although its carbonation can speed up alcohol absorption.
  • Food. Stevie paired his beer with Mexican food, which probably soaked up some alcohol, thereby slowing its effects. Hardcore alcoholics like yours truly don’t generally go in for food, but if you haven’t quite disappeared down the rabbit hole yet, you might want to try eating when you drink.
  • Pacing. Stevie obviously took the time to fully taste his beer. This is a great idea! I love getting loaded, but it’s important to enjoy the journey to oblivion.

So what if you’re less like Stevie O and more like these people? 

How should you avert a hangover?

  • Water—do NOT go to sleep without slamming back a couple of big glasses.
  • Aspirin—take two preemptively with that water.
  • Vitamins—C and B, since you’re getting into the pills.
  • Sleep—duh!
  • Breakfast—OMG, now this is really getting silly. I can’t think of anything less appealing than throwing food into the mix after a big bender. But supposedly eggs, juice and bananas can help because they contain cysteine, fructose and potassium respectively.

INDIA PALE ALE (Cannery Brewing Company)

The last of the beer trinity purchased earlier in the week, the Cannery Brewing Company’s INDIA PALE ALE promised to be the best of the bunch. At least, it promised me that, with its slightly higher alcohol content (6%). My parents, not big I.P.A. fans, were less hopeful, but that’s an aside. Cannery’s own website advised saving the I.P.A. for last (amber first, nut brown next, then I.P.A.), thus building the whole tasting experience toward a massive crescendo that I expected would leave me weak with joy.

And so it did, my fellow inebriates, but for reasons that bear explanation. Let’s start with the most obvious: I loved this beer. It was strong, hoppy and uncomplicated. With four hop varieties, it delivered the I.P.A. punch that fans appreciate—sultry bitterness with a fizzy snap. Yum!

But here’s the best part. My parents almost couldn’t stand it! Which obviously meant more for me. My dad actually bitched the whole time about this splendid I.P.A. He said it tasted like the white part of grapefruit, but without the fruitiness. He couldn’t decide whether it was bitter or sour, and with a few mouthfuls left he added honey to it as an experiment. This was very win-win for a bear like me, especially since he abandoned his concoction to my grateful tastebuds.

It's not pica if you're a poo-eating fly. It's just a yummy dinner.

My mum reported the I.P.A. tasted like elastic bands and earwax. This makes me suspect she has pica, that illness that compels people to eat weird things. I wanted to ask, What else have you been eating, mum—chalk? eye snot? Seriously, my parents do not have a clue how to taste liquor.

I liked this beer a lot, but not as much as the AMBER ALE, and not nearly as much as the NUT BROWN ALE—the best of the bunch for my money. It’s a classic I.P.A., but there are certainly better examples out there. Still, I enjoyed it enough to RECOMMEND buying the sampler threesome and having your own tasting. If only just to step outside your comfort zone.

A toast to intelligence

My Fellow Inebriates,

It’s a truism that the closer you live to a Walmart, the bigger your chances of running into whackjobs, or even turning into one yourself. There’s nothing I personally need from Walmart, but my parents sometimes go there because—you guessed it—it’s really nearby.

It’s hard not to look at people like this and wonder if they wrote that Letter to the Editor in my local rag asserting that buses convey disease along with people, and that we are being “misled with ideology to buy into the global warming and climate change doctrine to convince us that in order to save the planet, public transit is necessary and we should give up our independent freedom wheels.” Whoa!

I bet it was this guy!

Or maybe this guy here!

Because, OMG, this is some weirdo thinking.

Source: National Geographic

Perhaps I should back up a bit. I do have a bit of a bias here, because I don’t drive. I’m only seven inches tall, and I’m always gooned. And then there’s the fact that I’m a bear, and the authorities don’t issue bears licenses. But the way I see it, if nobody drove, we could all be gooned all day.

As utopic as that sounds, I have to break it to Roland, the nutbar writer of the letter mentioned, that there’s pretty much full scientific consensus on global warming. And despite the gabblings of a few very vocal deniers, educated authorities assert with graphic evidence that we are losing ice, the sea level is rising, and that this whole thing is anthropogenic. Anthropogenic, people! That means: caused by people like f#cktard Roland, driving his hermetically sealed Dodge around Langley, visiting Walmart with his thong hanging out.

Let’s raise a toast to intelligence.