Continuing the thought from yesterday that balloons suck…
Yeah. That’s V’s balloon, really effing far away. The emotional punishment continued well into the evening.
…I found this balloon diagram.
What color is your balloon, my fellow inebriates?
My Fellow Inebriates,
Today was a historical day for this blog. Did my fellow inebriates see it when I whored the site out with sold a piece of anchor text a couple of weeks ago? Did you all go madly clicking? Goodness knows, but today a deposit was made in my PayPal account, putting Liquorstore Bear officially into the black. Booyah!
My parents were duly impressed and offered me a purple balloon. I said no, I couldn’t possibly handle the disappointment Miss V experienced yesterday when she let go of her own pink balloon in the playground. In disbelief she watched it slip from her hand and then erupted with the most horrific caterwauling ever heard in Langley. Poor V—it was hard not to feel sorry for her. It wasn’t just a balloon; it was “Ballooney” and she’d hand-picked it from a bunch at her cousin’s 4th birthday party. Ballooney sailed upwards indifferently until only Mum’s polarized lenses and my plastic eyes could place it—for V it had already vanished. For us a pink pinpoint remained for a few tantalizing moments longer, and then suddenly it was not there.
Meanwhile V was yowling like a damaged cat. She wanted Ballooney back. She demanded Ballooney back. And if you’ve ever met V…well, all you can do is give her a hug and wait.
So when my parents offered me a balloon, I told them they could go f*ck themselves. I had enough emotional scars, thank you very much, without shepherding a damn balloon until its inevitable demise.
V had been pretty demanding in the wake of her loss, specifying extra Easter eggs as a palliative and who knows how many games of Beat Your Neighbors. So I figured I’d ask for a beer.
It worked. BLACKHEART OATMEAL STOUT was duly poured, boasting 5.7% alcohol and pitch-black with creamy foam. Redolent of roasted malt and coffee grounds (not unpleasantly so), its initial impression is more of a pick-me-up than a relaxer. The coffee aroma is serious. Coupled with a distinctive oaty note, those espresso lashings suggest breakfast—which dovetails pretty well with my general agenda for LBHQ. Surely such a coffee-like brew is appropriate first thing in the morning….
The first sip packs an espresso wallop. Yum, if you like coffee, blech if you don’t. I love coffee, but only if there are absolutely no other beverages available. As you drink BLACKHEART you get sweet malt and cocoa along with that coffee plus a nutty finish. The mouthfeel is substantial without being chewy, and the carbonation is pretty punchy for the genre.
Don’t get the impression BLACKHEART OATMEAL STOUT is a one-note beer. There’s plenty to enjoy—even mild metallic hints if you’re given to those. They remind you that you can pound this sucker if you feel like it, or you can “session it” so you don’t get too hosed.
With the remaining $35 from the LBHQ earnings pile, I might consider buying BLACKHEART again. Then again, there’s a universe of booze out there to be sampled, so maybe not—at least not right away. In the meantime, I’m not proud—consider Liquorstore Bear at your service if you have any anchor text you’d like to place. 😉
My Fellow Inebriates,
You’d think I’d get more comments like the one I received last night from one Robert Richard, aka “Nice Chrstian [sic] Guy.”
I’m offended by your use of the name Jesus in this way. Obviously you are ignorant of the diety Christ holds, obvious you are ignorant of the consequences you will face because of your insubordination. It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of God! Really! He doesn’t mess around and YOU need to backtrack and rethink your foolishness.
Who knew Christians stayed up so late? The comment is in response to this picture and the title “Fix It Jesus-Style”:
Robert’s message is the kind of comment that actually makes my fur hurt. I guess I’ll just go through it bit by bit.
I’m offended by your use of the name Jesus in this way.
What are you doing on my site, dude??? What are you looking for? Doesn’t the Bible forbid drinking? Are you scanning just in case there’s a review for O’Doul’s? (There is.)
Okay, so, Robert buddy, being offended is a choice. It’s not like having your leg broken. It’s your chosen reflex to something I published for an audience that is not captive. (I have the crappy site stats to prove that.)
Incidentally, lots of guys are named Jesus.
Obviously you are ignorant of the diety [sic] Christ holds…
I guess this is where Liquorstore Bear gets definitively outed as an infidel. But here’s the thing, Robert dude…I just don’t know. I guess you could say I’m a
Right? I totally don’t know. But you don’t know either. So you can believe what you want and it’s cool. As for me, well, we probably won’t run into each other at any barbecues, will we? So it’s probably cool if we just leave each other be.
Oh yeah. It’s spelled D-E-I-T-Y. And I’m not actually ignorant of the fact that many, many people believe in the divinity of Christ and consider Christ a deity. (Got that usage? Tricky, right?) Again, totally cool with me.
The humans at LBHQ were actually raised as Christians—one Catholic and the other a more vague, inclusive flavor. We have a bunch of well-read Bibles and plenty of Christian relatives with whom we coexist pretty peacefully.
Going back to ignorance, there is a difference between being ignorant of the fact that people believe Christ is a deity and the “fact” that he is one, which you cannot know for sure (and nor can I). You cannot be ignorant of a non-fact. Your accusation of ignorance is tantamount to saying I’m ignorant of the fact that blue is the nicest color. (But don’t worry, Robert, there’s a laundry list of stuff I don’t know shit about, like quantum physics, how to index a book, why my homemade liqueur has curds…)
…obvious [sic] you are ignorant of the consequences you will face because of your insubordination.
You do mean in the afterlife, right, Robert? You’re not going to throw a brick through the LBHQ window or anything? And…oh yeah—insubordination to what? If you mean insubordination to you, then I guess I’ll have to hunt through my files to see if I’ve agreed to be your employee (or did you mean slave? because the Bible’s okay with that). But if you mean insubordination to God, then maybe you and I should both leave it to God. Even though he’s probably busy and whatnot, I’m sure he’ll get around to punishing me when he’s ready. As long as you don’t mind waiting. You seem kind of eager, Robert.
It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of God!
I thought God was supposed to be nice. Especially NT God, who seems like a mellower, middle-aged sort of God whose prefrontal cortex is fully on line now so he doesn’t get sudden nasty impulses. You make falling into his hands seem like getting mugged or something, Robert.
Really! He doesn’t mess around and YOU need to backtrack and rethink your foolishness.
Dude, he totally messes around. Look at the way he messed around with Abraham that time. Kill your son! Oh wait—I was only messing around, let him go. Throughout the Bible (Leviticus, anyone?) God tells people to do horrific things. (That’s what I meant about OT God as opposed to NT God—he was off the hook in ancient times, right?) If you don’t think God messes around with people, check out what he asked Noah to do.
Okay, so I know this is low-hanging fruit here and only adherents to a literal interpretation of the Bible will be offended by it (um…why are you here??). For many people, faith is totally compatible with science and modern life—and kindness, compassion, openness to other people’s opinions, a sense of humor—you name it.
So how would I backtrack? I’m a pretty dumb animal, I admit it. To give you an example, for a long time I thought water was poisonous. I’m a total idiot. But I try to be open-minded. So I’ll keep thinking about how to be less foolish. Will you, Robert, give some thought to how you can be more of a
Nice Chrstian [sic] Guy
and more open-minded, instead of threatening small bears who don’t have a chance of getting into Heaven anyway because Heaven is reserved for human beings and not dumb animals?
Liquorstore Bear 