My Fellow Inebriates,
Emily, presumably looking for a subject matter expert, forwarded me this question:
I love this. It’s like the person wanted to make sure Emily knew what the question meant—i.e., not how a bear detects scents (try 4000 x human sensitivity, people) but how filthy a bear actually smells to its unfortunate family. Yes, bears smell. And they smell. Bad.
Meanwhile, my friend Patti asked me if I’d seen this item on the shelves:
Holy crap, MFI, I had not noticed this product. Patti, as God/Thor/the Great Spaghetti Monster/the Zombie Collective is my witness, I will not rest until we have it at LBHQ.
And then, as if life wasn’t exciting enough, I learned I’d been named in a will:
Awesome, right?? The first thing I did was grab my dad’s credit card and send the digits to my benefactor (including, of course, the three-digit security code). Who wouldn’t love an inheritance? My dad will be so happy when he finds out. Maybe he’ll buy me that Pumpkin Face Rum…or some deodorant.
Looks like we’re not the only freegans in Langley. Mum and Miss V went blackberry picking the other day and found the bushes stripped of fruit. What remained was shriveled or festooned with spider webs, and they came home with only half a bucket for their troubles.
“What the hell are we going to make margaritas with?” I asked Miss V, who promptly put me in a dress and forced me to attend a “bear wedding.”
Blackberry season started early this year thanks to a hot, dry summer and/or climate change. My mum only discovered the berries were ready by accident when she emerged from the bank three weeks ago and collected a bucket’s worth in the parking lot within 15 minutes. It was the first time we’d ever received something free or even worthwhile from the bank, but instead of making blender drinks she made jam, crumble, and cookies. When I asked about daiquiris, she said “Next time, LB.” Can you believe it? Complacently then, she waited two weeks to go back for more berries. And they were gone.
If you had more sense than my mother and picked while the picking was good, here are your fabulous prizes.
Ingredients:
– 5 oz Procescco
– 2 oz blackberry puree
– 1 oz creme du mure
Garnish: whole blackberry and mint leaf
Pour in the blackberry puree and creme du mure into a champagne flute. Top of with processco. Finish with a mint leaf and whole blackberry garnish. (Cocktail created by Brian McGrory)
Ingredients:
12 large blackberries
12 mint leaves
4 teaspoons sugar
1 Tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 Tablespoon fresh lime juice
3 ounces light rum (you can substitute vodka if you like)
Ice
Club soda
Lime wedge, mint, and blackberries for garnishChill two glasses. Put the mint and the berries in the bottom of a cocktail shaker with the sugar. Use a wooden spoon to muddle (bruise) the mint and crush the berries. Add rum, lemon and lime juice. Fill with ice. Shake until well chilled. Put mint leaves in the bottom of the glass. Add ice. Strain the cocktail over the ice. Top with club soda for a little sparkle.
Ingredients:
• 1 part ABSOLUT Kurant
• 1 dash Dry Vermouth
• 1 dash Sugar Syrup
And if, like my mother, you weren’t organized or didn’t bother to get blackberries so your little bear friend could enjoy blackberry cocktails, your fabulous prize is that you get to go out and buy your little bear friend a bottle of vodka and watch him pound it.
Liquorstore Bear 