My Fellow Inebriates,
Emily, presumably looking for a subject matter expert, forwarded me this question:
I love this. It’s like the person wanted to make sure Emily knew what the question meant—i.e., not how a bear detects scents (try 4000 x human sensitivity, people) but how filthy a bear actually smells to its unfortunate family. Yes, bears smell. And they smell. Bad.
♦
Meanwhile, my friend Patti asked me if I’d seen this item on the shelves:
Holy crap, MFI, I had not noticed this product. Patti, as God/Thor/the Great Spaghetti Monster/the Zombie Collective is my witness, I will not rest until we have it at LBHQ.
♦
And then, as if life wasn’t exciting enough, I learned I’d been named in a will:
Awesome, right?? The first thing I did was grab my dad’s credit card and send the digits to my benefactor (including, of course, the three-digit security code). Who wouldn’t love an inheritance? My dad will be so happy when he finds out. Maybe he’ll buy me that Pumpkin Face Rum…or some deodorant.
Liquorstore Bear 
A well loved bear never smells 🙂
That’s what I say. But my parents keep eyeing the Maytag.
haha. That’s probably for Scarybear
Pumpkin-scented bear sounds like something on the fall menu at Starbucks in Russia.
OMG! Those Russians are really raising my fur these days. I’ll bet Putin would eat a bear.
Yes, bears smell, but not Liquorstore Bears. Alcohol leaves through the pores, thus cleansing the skin and leaving on the fur a pleasant rum (vodka, beer wine, whatever you last consumed) -like aroma.
One hates to be indelicate but I believe that odor in the house might be coming from your parents. Tell them they need to drink a lot more and be sure to get them some Pumpkin Face Reserve, White, and 23 with your inheritance.
I’m going to quote you on that. Maybe we’ll get some new hooch!
You really know your booze facts!